Materialistic or not?
My bf (24) and I (22) both work jobs. He’s in school while I’m applying to school. He pays his own tuition and some bills and my parents take care of things for me (which I am trying to change) We barely go out and do things, I try to plan dates but plans always get changed or he complains about money, which I then mentioned date ideas where there would be little to no money involved. But he once told me that he has too much going on and if I wanted to go out on a date and do something I plan it. I try to show him how much he means to me through not just telling him but gifts too. He got a car and the first thing I did was go on Etsy to find him something for his car to make it more his. But when he told me that I need to plan our own dates it bothered me because it makes me feel unimportant to him. And when I told him all he said was it’s my own problem for feeling that way and the world doesn’t stop and things can wait to get done. But I want to feel like a priority too. Meanwhile our 2 year anniversary is tomorrow. I wanted to do something nice, but he needs to go to the store for his car and he wants to watch the World Cup at home with his family. I am not a materialistic person, I’m not expecting him to get me a diamond necklace, a 20,000$ ring, or take me to Europe. But to me, it means a lot and shows me important when dates are made and we celebrate our love just us by doing something nice for us. But this has caused a huge fight and we haven’t really been speaking the last two days. He thinks I’m being materialistic, am I? I’m just simply saying I want to do something nice for our anniversary together but please tell me if I’m wrong.
@chrysanthemum1123
No I don't think your being materialistic, you just want your significant other, the person whose supposed to love you and support you, to acknowledge you and prioritize your relationship. That's the most natural feeling in the world <3
@Calytrix6
Thank you! We’ve been fighting do much and he just sees me as being materialistic and that I expect him to drop everything. He thinks I make my whole world about him meanwhile I just make it a priority to tell and show him how much he means to me. And he gets mad and blows up when I tell him how I feel that I don’t get that from him
@chrysanthemum1123,
seems to me your feelings are valid. What are his feelings? Maybe he never learned how to express them.
You both need to connect on a heart to heart level. If he cannon do so, ask yourself why you are staying in this relationship. Love yourself first. Express your feelings, your needs. Maybe go out with friends. Don't be dependent on him. Lead your own life. After all you don't need him.
@chrysanthemum1123
That behavior may have a lot to do with that's called an attachment -style. Alot of men have an attachment style called avoidant-attachment. People who have that kind of attachment style are typically independent, extremely self-sufficient, that is they have a heavy focus on work and getting things done and are unused to intimacy.
That sounds like your boyfriend to a T. It's possible that he's not really angry with you he's likely not used to feeling needed.
Honestly, I concur with duke-I'd sit down for a heart to heart with him, and if he's unable to express his feelings just leave the relationship. A relationship that doesn't make you happy isn't a good one.
You are not wrong to feel this way. I am/was in a similar spot, I guess, and I still don't know what to think or do about it. Between me and him there were a lot of ups and downs but he told me the same thing about planning dates. I had to ask him more than once to do this. There was not much effort on his part! I realize how wrong it was for me to settle for that. I still don't know how it will end, anyhow I don't think you are asking for too much!
