My Boyfriend is Showing major Red Flags and it’s Leading to Anxiety Issues
I am 16 years old and started dating my boyfriend almost a month ago. Things have been great and I thought he was absolutely perfect until some red flags popped up. At first he was so sweet and met my parents and even my parents respect him and I was sure he was absolutely perfect… but earlier he was complimenting me, saying I’m amazing and stunning and beautiful then not even five minutes later he said… “so, dtf?”
and as a 16 year old girl who had major trust/ intimacy issues and a rough background with men I was so terrified. He insists that it was a joke but I really don’t think it was a joke. The way he went from telling me I’m amazing and beautiful to asking me if I’d be dtf just terrified me and it makes me think maybe he’s not the perfect guy I had made him out to be in my head. I just got done going through a whole panic attack about it because I’m a big baby that can’t deal with my emotions properly, but I needed to get it off my chest because I’m confused right now.
and now that I think about it, he says a lot of concerning stuff that I genuinely thought was a joke for a while. Things like “I could show you a good time ;)” and “I wish you were in my bed with me rn” and things like that. I don’t know, maybe it’s completely innocent and I’m blowing it way out of proportion but I have a gut feeling.Thanks for reading<3
i am also 16 year old and believe me my boyfriend always says similar things and it makes me feels so insecure that i wanna dump him but i couldnt .... but always remember that no men can touch us without our consent so if he makes you feel insecure confront him about the situation directly or indirectly
Yeah, I just get uncomfortable sometimes but I’m sure it’s normal. Thanks!
If u saw some red flags at the start e recomend u dump him in the first months before you get used to him
@fearlessCamp4605 It sounds like he wants to have sex tbh, and if you're not ready for that (and you're pretty young) he needs to respect that. For me, these types of comments are not respectful and if you tell him it gets on your nerves and he continues, then definitely find someone else. Tbh don't expect men to be perfect especially at 16, when unfortunately guys have received disrespectful messages about women from society. That being said, I think there are guys out there for you who aren't "perfect" but are kinder and more respectful that are more worth your time.
I NEED TO GET THIS UPDATE OFF MY CHEST: So I broke up with him because he was very manipulative in the end. To further explain there was this other girl he would flirt with and it got to a point where people I didn’t even know would go up to me and tell me that something was going on between the girl and my bf at that time. I confronted him (very kindly may I add) and after that nothing changed. If anything the flirting got even worse. So I confronted him again 2 weeks later and he was very defensive. Which is okay because he’s allowed to defend himself but he was too defensive if that makes sense. He didn’t even apologize until over text later and the texts were very manipulative. Things like “I’m sorry I’m not good enough for you.” Or “I guess I need to try harder for you” we’re what was said and no matter how much he got upset at me for not accepting his “apology” I don’t think I could because it didn’t feel real. Let me know if I’m wrong or if that’s unreasonable please… then I broke up with him because he lashed out at me and yelled at me and called me a bitch and that was the last straw. Then not even two days later him and the other girl are dating. Guess he proved my original point.
He was gaslighting you in the beginning saying his comments were jokes and then with his "apology". Good catch on the red flags and knowing when to not take anymore and leaving. It's not easy to leave sometimes especially when you care. Seems like he was testing the water to see where your give in point was. Don't ever feel like you need to do anything physical for anyone, there's no rush and consent is key and being ready is paramount. Also remember coercion (convincing someone to agree) to get someone to agree to physical activity is not okay and he was headed that way from what you explained, he was just planting seeds, in my opinion. (For reference I'm 30 and had an ex who would guilt me into physical activities that I wasn't in the mood for, or comfortable with, that was a 3year relationship laced with tons of hidden emotional abuse which some were similar statements to what you received. It was my first major relationship at 20 and I cared so much I ignored many red flags)
