My partner's past

I think women also think differently about sex among ourselves, so I can't be sure this is how your partner thinks. But I can give you my perspective.

To me, who I do it with matters more than what I do. It's not that I don't have any preferences, but it's the person that makes it special to me more than what it is we're doing/whether I've done it before.

My partner often tells me "you seemed really into that!" And I keep telling him that I'm really into him. I'm still not sure he gets it tho 🙃

Anyway, that's my two cents. Hope this helps. :)

As women I do feel we typically are different as a whole when it comes to how we view sex or how it affects us as compared to men, but also as women each of us are different as individuals. I have female friends who tend to experience pleasure easily from it and others like myself who struggle to have that with a partner at no fault of the partner (can have a lot to do with personal sexual habits, upbringing/views on sex growing up, and just one’s own body and how it reacts).

it sounds like in her case she didn’t even want to try something with you or feign interest/excitement because it wasn’t new to her so why bother. Do you think you would be happy if even if it’s not new to her she at least is interested to have it with you?

and to be honest, each sexual experience and partner is different. Even if you’ve done something with one partner that doesn’t mean you don’t want to do it with another, personally speaking. It can be exciting to do things with that one person you love because they’re special they’re different they’re not like anyone else.

One thing about females with males is that we often learn to fake pleasure or excitement for the male’s pleasure. Oftentimes as society were taught that (in sexually explicit content we see women who are acting this out as it satisfies the man). Many times what excites a man is not the same as what excites a woman, but we feign interest and excitement just to please him. It sounds like she knows what she wants and one thing she has learned from all her experience is not to pretend to be interested in something if she didn’t like it. “Been there done that got the t-shirt” sounds like she doesn’t want to go there again; maybe it wasn’t special for her. It might have more to do with the fact that she just isn’t interested in that particular act. I think a woman who knows what she likes and doesn’t like and isn’t afraid to be honest is admirable as it’s really a challenge sometimes for me and I know I’m not the only one who feels that.

it might be worth addressing this with her and just asking her if she just doesn’t want to do things with you or if it’s because she already knows it’s not something she enjoys.

hope this provides some insight and best of luck going forward in the relationship

@ThatguyM

Shared experiences are what you feel are important in a relationship yet there's constant worry about sexually pleasing your partner.

Furthermore, it's only fair to wonder why your partner wants you to know about her 'adventurous' sexual past.

The anxiety over this may become a 'deal breaker' for you.

Looking at things from your girlfriend's point of view.....

Your girlfriend has never got over her previous partner.

What you perceive as her adventurous sexual history fuels your anxiety and erodes your self-esteem.

Is your anxiety being encouraged?.....As she keeps replying...."Been there, done that"......

This further reduces your self-confidence, resulting in you trying harder to please and therefore staying close by. A clever way to secure the partnership.

Your partner never really moved on from her previous relationship, which means she may be constantly pre-occupied with past events - leading to insecurity.

There are other aspects of a relationship that do not involve sex.

As you are fully aware - it's about trying new things together, enjoying new experiences and the companionship.

Moving in together will be a crucial point in your relationship because you'll both find out whether or not this will work.

Your girlfriend is using 'sexual adventure' in order to create a shield - maybe through fear of getting hurt again.

She needs to accept her previous relationship is over - in order to start afresh.

You want this to work and are willing to make the commitment.....

Take time to enjoy each other's company and try not to let conversation revolve around sex all the time.

Encourage your partner to try new experiences and discuss ideas for your home - as you are now sharing your lives.

When it comes to sex, try researching new ideas together but focus on the intimacy and companionship.

As with any new relationship, only time will tell how things get on. Hopefully. There's a chance you'll both work things out and enjoy trying new things together.

Honestly, you need to have a talk with her about things in bed before you actually try them. What she's ok with, what she doesn't want to do. Communication is key here! Have that uncomfortable talk. Maybe because she's done things before doesn't mean she wants to do them again. She also might have a different outlook than you on what she likes. I would just try asking.