New relationship being hurt by old relationships

@reservedMango99917

thinking the worst all the time is a very hard habit to break............ it robs you of opportunities and joy. it robs you of growth and experiences .......you have to decide if you want to give that up just in case.....

it steals you ability to be all in in any situation.

I once heard a analogy for relationships ........ A relationship is like bacon and eggs .......

in the case of the chicken they contributed to the breakfast but the PIG is ALL IN.... total commitment.....

you decide if you are the pig or the chicken....

I can relate. Both my partner and I had really painful precious relationships and we were both terrified going into this one. Still are. I'm further along than him in healing, but it's been hard. I'm so scared that he won't ever trust me and let himself love me. It's a really hard place to be in, wanting to give your partner the time they need to heal, but also not knowing that they're actually taking any steps to do that.

For me... honestly it was kind of a case of fake it til you make it. When I first started dating my partner, I didn't really feel much at all. I was completely numb and our relationship had almost no emotional component to it. I eventually realised that if we make no emotional investment in the relationship, it's never going to progress and would never work. I decided that I wanted to give this relationship the best chance it could have, so I just sort of... made myself open up and trust him. Even if I didn't feel like it. And at the same time, I just reflected on my previous relationship. What my fears were and where they came from. I was able to accept some things that had happened in a way I never had before... and then things just sort of changed slowly. I was still scared. I'm still scared now. But it just had less power over me. You don't have to behave as your fear tells you to! It's hard, but it does get easier :)

All the best for the both of you.