Not sure if I even WANT a relationship?
There was a long period of time where I was OBSESSED by the idea of being in a long term relationship. It seemed like something I really, desperately wanted even though I had next to no dating experience. I’ve dated a bit on and off in the last few years, never longer than a few months with one person, and have been dating someone for a few weeks now. He is getting very invested already, always asking to see me, saying all the right things, extremely respectful of me and my time… and I’m just… 🤷🏻♀️ I don’t know. I was excited to see him the first few dates and it’s not like anything has happened to specifically turn me off. There aren’t any major red flags. But I just can’t seem to get myself to want to spend any time with him and I’m kind of at the point where I’m wondering if it’s not about him/any guy in particular at all but just about me. I’ve always been happy being single and I’m pretty introverted (but also a teacher so I really max out my social interaction quota at work) and like to be alone. There are times when I think about being in a relationship and it sounds great but then o get myself in a position to actually make it a reality and suddenly feel like I don’t even want it after all. Has anyone else dealt with this? I don’t know how to determine if I should give it up now before he gets too invested or stick it out and see if my feelings grow because he IS really great, and I’m also demisexual so it can take some time for me to know.
Hi! A lot of people have gone through things like this, there is nothing wrong with not being sure you want to be with somebody. My advice: Keep calm, this things usually work themselves out. You should try to ask yourself if there might be a reason why you are not interested in him anymore (because you mentioned you were in the beginning)? Also, ask yourself if want to stop seeing altogether or you just want to take things slowly.
Tip: Next time you are with him, pause for a moment, go to the restroom, and see how he makes you feel. Are you happy? Excited? Content? Bored?
I hope it helps.
Love,
goodhairdays
@neonSquare8081
Hi--from what you've shared, you used to be strongly interested in being in a relationship. But after a few years of dating off and on, currently you're dating someone who's really great but you feel unsure whether you really want it. You've mentioned that you've felt pretty content being single, and also you're pretty introverted and already have a job that satisfies your social interaction quota. You're not really sure whether 1) you're happy by yourself and aren't really interested in dating right now, or if 2) maybe you just have to be patient and wait for feelings to develop with him gradually.
If you have any further thoughts/feelings you'd like to share about this situation, you're welcome to write more here in the forums. Otherwise, if you feel like it might be helpful to have a live chat with someone about this and be able to explore things more deeply in real time, HERE is a list of experienced listeners who accept chats related to relationships.