Relationship going downhill
My boyfriend and I work together, it’s how we met and we’re coming up on our one year together. Unfortunately as peers we’ve never worked well together, him and I think very differently about how things should be done. He does one way and I do another, we’re both full-time so we crash a lot at work. We usually keep it separate from our personal life and relationship. It’s made things very easy for us as a couple and we’ve been in sync. We always tried to talk it out and find ways for us to be better at working together. However it always falls back and we start clashing again at work. And recently I’ve been noticing it’s been affecting our life outside of work. We’ve both become more busy in our personal life so most of the time, work has been the most prominent way of us seeing each other. When we do see each other outside of work I’ve been more quiet and distant from the feelings of not being heard, supported, or respected. And today he expressed that he’s been feeling the same way and have been repressing it. The solution he suggested seemed very one-sided for me, that I was the problem and I had to be the one to fix it by being more understanding of the way he does things and what he goes through. I got offended and defended myself, like we were on opposite sides. We never finished the conversation but it makes me want to rethink our relationship. Does anyone have any advice? To be honest, I’ve been so drained from the relationship and work itself that I just think it’s a dead end. But I don’t want to give up so easily, even after trying for so long. I’m honestly confused..
When two people spend too much time together they will pay a lot of attention to each other, this is why the two will find more problems in the way they do things. If you payed too much attention to anyone in a certain way you will find a problem in how they do certain things because there are preferences. If you think he is the problem it is still one sided, this is a mutual issue. It would be professional to respect each others difference at work. You don't have to bow down to him and he does not have to do the same for you. Just do what gets the job done, you can both put your preferences aside, this is a matter of maturity. The problem with working with your partner is that you don't come home to them, you go to work with and come home with them. You see each other too much and now you're starting to talk too little. This does not mean you should break up.
If you are always clashing because of the differences in the way you think certain things should be done then perhaps you can play games with each other to make competing fun. Videogames and board games, maybe cards games. The loser washes the dishes and the winner chooses dinner.
Engage in activities that you can only get done by working together, something you can both do in your own way. Walking or painting. When it comes to something like decorating you have to make compromises. But when it comes to building you have to work to together, just as you two have to work together to build this relationship back up.
I understand that this is frustrating but to be in a relationship with anyone there has to be compromises.
I don't know the entire story. Don't take this as advice, this is guidance.
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You could also just talk about this issue. It may be difficult but it's necessary. Or you can break up and move on but that would make working with him even worse. So then you might want to get a different job or he might want to. If one of you quits to save the relationship you won't be down each other's throats all day, but if one of you quits out of frustration it will make the situation worse. Above all else you can talk about it. There has to be a decision that you can both agree upon rather that is to stay with each other or to separate.
@King8
It sounds like it might be time to have a more honest conversation with your boyfriend about your working relationship and how it’s impacting your relationship as a whole. It’s possible that the two of you are just not compatible when it comes to working together. The most important thing is to communicate openly with your boyfriend about your concerns. Try to be honest and understanding of his perspective as well. It’s possible that the two of you just don’t see eye to eye on how to approach work, and that’s okay. But if it’s causing too much stress in your relationship, it might be best to consider other options. If you can’t find a way to make it work, it might be best to consider other options, like finding new jobs.