Why do i treat my love like crap?
My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. We recently broke up but are trying to work things out. I have noticed that I treat him like crap. I talk to him horribly, I complain, argue, and I know I smother him too. What's wrong with me? He is getting to the point where he doesn't want anything to do with me if I keep it up. I love him so much and I'm just tired of the way I treat him. Im tired of the fighting that comes as a result of it. Can anyone help me with any advice to change the way I act with him and towards him? The only way this relationship is gonna work is if I respect him and love him like I should. Please help. Any words of wisdom will help.
@Meg87 It is really admirable that you have the self-awareness to realize see what the problem is and the honesty to acknowledge it. Knowing that you have an issue with offering your boyfriend love is the first step to changing it. As for why you do it - well, human beings are complicated, and 7 Cups isn't for why, it's for what. Your behavior frustrates you. That's the what. And that's what's important. Finding a way to be less frustrated, by talking and thinking about it, that's where we can support you.
But as for how you can change it: The first answer is keep being aware! Think about what you say before you say it. Listen to what you do say. If you realize you said something that doesn't match the person you want to be, then apologize and try again.
Introspection and mindfulness will take you far. And I suspect you may be being hard on yourself. Keep track of what you do that is loving and kind, not just what you do that isn't. (And try not to miss opportunities to do more of the first!)
Some people (by which I mean most people :) ) have a hard time breaking away from the way they were raised: if this kind of behavior was present in your childhood, you might benefit from talking one on one to a counselor or therapist who can teach you techniques to change your responses.
Good luck, and check back in with us to let us know how you're doing.
M
@Meg87
The way you treat him is likely how you were raised to value a man in your life. Have you ever considered that the way you treat him is a CHOICE? Clearly, you are able to recognize these habits to treat him this way, which is a good first step. I'm sure you've already realized that treating anyone this way only causes them to want to create distance from you, until the situation itself has deteriorated so much that there is really nothing left. If you value what you share with him and want things to get better - start the process of making better choices in how you manage your partnership with him and if needed seek out professional help to work on re-programming the methods that you use to maintain a relationship.
I hope that you figure this out - I really do - ultimately, this habit that you have will infect every relationship that you choose to get into.
Consider this treatment of him might also be a defense mechanism - to prevent people from getting too close to you emotionally, there are perhaps some areas of feeling vulnerable which you simply cannot allow yourself to feel or are terrified of feeling with someone so treating him this way so he will leave eases that anxiety.
Either way, this is something you should get addressed with someone far more than an online forum... and someone who is licensed. Good luck.
@Sventek You say it's a choice and then you talk about re-programming. I can't tell what you're getting at.
Well apparently I'm unable to love so if you find a good solution be sure to let me know.
I appreciate all the advice. I think that it really opened My eyes to the changes that need to be made. Thank you all.
