7 Signs Your Friendship Has Become Toxic

Have you ever had a perfect friendship that turned sour? Did you used to be best friends but dont speak anymore?

A lot of times, friendships change over time. Some grow stronger and evolve for the better. Some become toxic as they evolve. But know that even if a friendship does become toxic, its not the fault of either person, just that your personalities may not get along like they used to you.

Think you have a friendship thats become toxic? Here are 7 signs.

1. You hesitate to share good news

Are you afraid or hesitant to share good news with your friend? Do you find it easier to keep things to yourself? If so, you might need to reevaluate your friendship.

There are so many reasons why you may not want to share good news with your friend. One of these reasons is jealousy. Instead of being happy for you, do you notice your friend becoming envious that the same thing isnt happening to them? In essence, jealousy occurs a lot of the time when someone views your success as their failure, which is not a good mindset for a healthy friendship.

Or, this person could be looking for ways to one-up you. When you tell them good news, they might respond with something they did, to make themselves appear better than you, rather than celebrate with you. Good friendships are supportive and its important to have a friend by your side who isnt looking to constantly overtake you.

2. You arent comfortable around them

Do you keep your guard up around your friend? Do you filter yourself or hold back? Your discomfort with expressing yourself could be a sign of a toxic friendship.

According to Psychologists Susan Heitler and Sharon Livingston from Psychology Today, Walking on eggshells or being extra careful around your friend when it didnt used to be that way is a sign that your relationship has changed for the worse (Heitler and Livingston 2016). Your friend may be very critical, explode on you if you say the wrong thing, get defensive the second you disagree or something similar. Whatever the case may be, being uncomfortable to speak your mind around your friend is something you shouldnt ignore.

3. Being around them stresses you out

Did you know that being in a toxic friendship can physically stress you out? Toxic friendships can actually do damage to your body as well as your mind.

According to Heitler and Livingston, one of the many benefits of a good friendship is that it boosts your immune system, but a toxic one does the opposite (Heitler and Livingston 2016). The stress and anxiety it causes you can spread throughout your body and result in headaches, weakness, and stomach aches (Heitler and Livingston 2016).

These feelings in your body arent good for your well-being, so if you begin to notice them, it may be a result of a friendship becoming toxic.

4. Your self-esteem is declining

Good friendships make you feel loved, valued, and important. Bad friendships, unfortunately, have the opposite effect.

In an article from Thrive Global, life coach Kelly Rudolph explains that if a friend is toxic, they will start to make your self-confidence go down (Rudolph 2019). You may find yourself doubting yourself and your abilities in ways you hadnt before.

The most difficult thing about a toxic friendship that lowers your self-esteem is that it could have started out as a good friendship and something turned sour along the way (Rudolph 2019). So, its important to always gauge how you feel about yourself when youre with a friend, because even the best friendships have a possibility of becoming toxic.

5. You cant get a word in

Have you had friendships where you just did a whole lot of listening? Did your friend spend extensive time talking about themselves and never really asked about you?

According to an article from The Oprah Magazine, friendships that often have an imbalance in conversation could turn toxic because it may make you feel like you arent being heard (Courtney 2019). Its important to have an equal balance in communication, giving advice, and asking for help. You may feel like your needs are constantly drowned out in favor of your friends if you cant get a word into the conversation, and its so important to have friendships where you both feel listened to.

6. You feel drained

Do you have a friend who drains you more than they energize you? This might be something to pay closer attention to.

Sometimes, friends who are always in the center of drama or an emotional crisis can be draining. Every once in a while, its of course expected that one of you will wind up in some sort of drama or crisis, and in that case, its absolutely fine to lean on each other for support. But what happens when this is the case with your friend all the time?

This can lead to you taking on a different role in the friendship. You may find yourself consoling your friend most of the time, giving advice, and being in that sort of ‘therapist role. Like we said before, friendships should be an equal balance of giving help and receiving it. If you find yourself constantly being the shoulder to cry on, you might need to take a step back from the friendship.

7. You feel used

Do you have a friend who calls you only when they need something? A ride? Homework help? Does it make you feel used?

If so, its not in your head. If two people are friends, they should reach out to each other and check in beyond just needing something. Of course, a friend asking you for help is great, but it shouldnt be the only time you two communicate. If you think your friend only uses you for their benefit and does not value your friendship, it might be time to walk away.

We hope you enjoyed learning about some of the signs that your friendship has become toxic. Do you have a toxic friendship? Did we miss anything? Let us know. Thanks for reading!

References

Courtney NJ (2019). 10 Signs You May Be in a Toxic Friendship. The Oprah Magazine. 16 January 2019.

Heitler S and Livingston S (2016). 8 Signs of a Toxic Friendship. Psychology Today. Resolution, Not Conflict. 25 March 2016.

Rudolph K (2019). How To Spot A Seriously Toxic Friend (And Take Back Control Of Your Life). Thrive Global. Community. 19 November 2019.

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