Always feeling like an outsider
Hi:
One of the the things that have really caught my attention during the last few days is that no matter where I go, I often tend to feel like an outsider. No, it's not about people excluding me because I am different and don't fit in socially. Rather, I am talking about running into people who I tend to get along with who often have other people within their inner-circles who are higher on their lists.
They do things like
1. Talk about their plans with the other people in front of me
2. They or their other closer friends talk about how much fun they have at a party, brunch etc.
3. They post pictures together on Facebook
4. They talk about texting each other
Meanwhile, they don't seem to make an effort for new people joining their circle of friends. It hurts because I would like be friends with some of these people.
@Summershy
Hi Summer! I hope this message finds you well. I am sorry to hear that you've been feeling excluded from your friends in the groups. I know the feeling and it can be really stinky sometimes. I want you to know that you are worthy of good friends who care about you and don't treat you like this. It may take time, but you will find your people. Keep your head up! <3 We are always here for you!
I've definitely felt this same way, feeling like an outsider. I've struggled with feeling unimportant to people who I want to be my friend, or who I consider my friend. Sometimes, I think the feeling is just in my head, but other times I think it's just a mismatch of priorities of the other person's with yours. A lot of people don't realize how they make other people feel.
The thing that I have found that works best with friendships is to try to engage with the person and invite them to do things. It's nice when people invite you to things, but it can really build a friendship when you invite someone to do something with you.
Of course some people will refuse, or they might not want to do the thing that you want to do, and that might feel disappointing. But, the overall trend that I've seen in my own life is that inviting people to go on walks, get lunch, see a play, go to an event, go to a museum, usually appeals and builds the friendship.
I know exactly how you feel. Plus with me I have way too many casual friends and when I’m in group settings I feel like on the outside looking in sometimes or I’m just the background friend… which has been my problem with me or least it may just all be in my head. I think the issue is which especially applies to me as well is having to put yourself out there more and being more open about yourself and things in your life something I sometimes struggle with.
