Am I a horrible friend? :( Advice please...
So this thing has been on my mind for a while now, and I think I really need to let it all out and find a way to fix it. So here goes...
Back in college (3 years ago), i was close to 3 girls, so lets just call them T, Z and Y (i hope this doesnt get confusing later). T and Z used to be besties, but then last year, they drifted apart and stopped talking, and then T and i got closer. We texted everyday, until this period this year, like there was a wk i had 5 submissions and i was getting really stressed out. I've told her that I'd be busy that week, and it was like maybe 1 or 2am, and then she started texting me about how she saw her ex in a club. And then i decided not to reply her cos i was super stressed at the moment.. i eventually replied her 2 days later after i cleared my work, and then from there i guess we kinda stopped talking as much.
I suppose she thought that I'd be another one of those people who's leaving her. And I feel awful about that. I know that I shouldn't have, but then this year, I had promised myself that I need to start thinking about myself more, instead of sacrificing my feelings and social anxieties. And I know that if I were truly annoyed, I might have lashed out.
So since then, I've apologised for not being there and told her that if she ever needs to talk, im there, that sort of thing. Honestly, maybe all this is just a pile of bullshit lies from me. But yeah. And now whenever we talk, I kinda feel she's kinda pushing me away? like just short replies and dont wanna continue the convo vibe.
And yesterday, i went out with Z and Y, and Z asked if we've seen/spoke to her, cos she hasnt, I said I've last seen her in May and we haven't really talked in about a week, while Y said she was gonna meet her this wk. So then today, when I was on 7 Cups, I saw someone posted an article, which kinda made it seem that broken people cant be loved (which i totally disagree, cos I see myself as a broken person too). And then it made me think that maybe thats what she's doing too? Like she's pulling away but deep down she wants people to get close. Cos ive done the same before. But that's the thing, i'm not sure if she really wants her space or not, cos im also the type of person who gets annoyed when people keep pushing me when i wanna be alone. I don't really want people to keep asking if I'm fine or okay.
I know it's my fault from the start, and I don't really know what I should do to fix it. So should i text her again, and maybe confront her about it?
@lifeisjustadrama
Hey! You did nothing wrong by asking for your own space when you felt stressed. You were stressed from work and needed it. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Seems like she needed someone to be there for her that time. You were not able to do that and that's completely okay. I can see things are not like what it used to be. You've tried to apologize and get her back but she seems like she is pushing you away.
Actually I don't know exactly what you should do but I know that face-to-face conversations are much better that texting. so if you could meet her and talk it would be better.
Please know that it wasn't your fault or mistake. You needed your space and you deserved it and there is nothing wrong with that.
@SunFlower700 thank you so much for responding! my friend told me the same thing yesterday, that it isn't exactly my fault that I needed my space.. I agree that I should talk to her, but I guess because I kinda a passive-aggressive person and I try to avoid confrontations.
But anywho, yesterday she texted me, telling me that she's caught up with a show that I also watch. So first I responded by asking her how she's been, and then continued to talk about that show. She ignored my question and asked me instead, and then continued to talk about the show. At first, I thought maybe she missed it or something, so when I responded to her asking how I was, I asked her, again. And again, she ignored it. I don't know what I should do??? Like I feel like she's purposely ignoring that question, so am I supposed to not push on that or?
@lifeisjustadrama
I'm glad to hear that you found something to talk about. She seems like ignoring what happened on purpose. Awh you don't know how was she when you were on your break. She might doesn't want to remember about that. You did what you could do so do you feel now it will be better to let what happened go and focus on your present relationship with her?
@SunFlower700 hmm.. possibly. Oh but btw, the break thing was about maybe a month or two back? Like after then, we do talk but not as often, and like I said, she kinda sounds mad or upset and just like she doesn't wanna speak. I did talk to her sometime last week for a couple days then she stopped replying, and we didn't speak for almost a week till she texted yesterday.. So yeah.. Mm, I'm not sure, cos right now I'm feeling really frustrated with all her half replies?? Like today, she replied to my text (again about the show) and then apart from replying to that, I also said have with with Y. Again, she ignores that (usually she'll say thanks at least) and then goes back to talking about the show. It's like as though, without the show, we have nothing to speak about. Or at least I feel that way...
@lifeisjustadrama
Hey there, I agree with what your friend and Sunflower700 said. One thing I would like to point out its how she didn't respond to your "How are you?" question, there's a chance she could have missed because she was so into the show conversation or something else, even if she ignored your question then it wasn't a good idea to keep asking the question over and over. I think that you felt anxious when she didn't respond to your question, there's a chance you took it as a possible rejection or that she was ignoring you so it prompt you to ask the same question over and over again. In her mind she probably saw this as you pushing her for an answer, so theres a chance she felt uncomfortable by this.
@freshLight64 Hi, thank you. Honestly, I don't think she missed the question because it was drowned out by the show stuff, I only sent her 2 msgs, one to reply about the show, and one to ask how she was. Hmm.. maybe you're right. That's why I stopped pushing after the 2nd time she ignored. But I don't think I can deal with this much longer without at least knowing what's up with her, like is it me or is she going through something else? Cos though I wasn't really there this year, I want to be there. So I'm actually planning to talk to her about it today..