Backup friend

@2sleepy2function

My child in this our great endeavor on the earth called life, every other soul is a lonely soul, you can't find solace among those who need "rent a shoulder for cry" and move on. We are what we make for ourselves, for your young self sought love from those who can't and didn't give it to you, it's not their fault and neither yours, your bad love of yourself makes solitude a prison for you.

Our need cannot be fulfilled by others. Any attempt to fulfill the totality of our needs through an intimate relationship, seeking from peers results in emotional and psychological dependence on them and result a slavish dependent on them for our self-worth and identity.

"Ggnōthi seauton" meaning know thyself, you are not lonely neither alone, know yourself more, and love thyself, dont make yourself slave of others, convert your loneliness into solitude.

"Let the youthful soul back on life with questions: what have you truly loved up to now, what has elevated your soul, what has masters it and at the same time delighted it? Place these venerated objects before you in a row, and perhaps they will yield for you, through their nature and their sequence, a law, the fundamental law of true yourself... for your true nature lies, not hidden deep within you, but immeasurably high above you, to at least above that which you normally take to be yourself."

I believe one needs to develop the capacity to be alone. When fear of loneliness make one to be dependent, one becomes overly compliant to the wishes/things of other out of fear of abandonment and it builds a false self, that is our personality becomes a mere reflex of the expected of others or accepted of the situation.

Search, identify yourself in yourself not among the crowds who are like moving waters, but rather know thyself like the colossal presence of oceans. Identify yourself with things which describe you. which you cherish, like for myself i am theologian (rather student of theology), lover of philosophy, poet, writer, gun enthusiast, military enthusiast, anime lover, binge TV watcher, enjoys western TV shows, bike rider, commerce student, wannabe banker, seeking perfection but rather enjoys finding meaning in everything.

Thus i think meaning can be found and ones personality can grow, the growth of oneself is resultant of his/her ability in relation to work which him /her likes/passion rather than on people. This defines ones identity and achieve self -realization by self-reference, rather than approval by other or interacting with other. As one frees or eliminates toxics from ones body and nourishes with healthy food, so is solitude to the mind food and essential. We can forge our character in solitude away from often constricting demands of others, which results in independency in the relationship which we cultivate with others. This will rather help you in mature, and building a strong character and view about yourself which builds our life as we grow old. I believe by this you will not lose your identity to other, having the self-confidence and gaining the sovereignty over oneself.

In this digital age where people seek approval from others, it is very prone as people grow old they stay emotionally young and as written in the work of roman poet Ovid "Puer aeternus" meaning eternal boy, people age but their inner self stays of that adolescent self.As you develop your-self in yourself, having the strong self-affirmation and identity, your outlook will change, you will understand it's all about perspective, and you will gather around you genuine people, you will find company which is suitable to your personality and healthy for you.

As you have said you were always there for those in need, i sense a very compassionate and empathetic soul in you dont let it wither away by the circumstances at present, rather identify yourself with the great things in yourself.Dont make yourself a victim, you are not a sufferer, you are an edurer, the trees don't need shelter from the shrubs, neither the mountain seek refuge in the plains. I do not belittle your "at present peers, but the fact that some are to be cared and some give care, they are just fragile frames, whose calls for help you answered. Do a mother behave like a child, or physician like a patient, u need comfort, u need help but don't seek among those who are seekers. You are Sad, but do not let this sadness overtake you, cause you are not a sad person, you were there for someone. There is light in you, there are rays among the dark clouds, u will get help in groves, u will get help in ranges of mountain. There are things greater for you and there are people for you.

This life can rob us of many things, but if you don't respect yourself, no one will. Dont let yourself be used by others, be true, first to yourself then to others, eventually u will find appeal among people and people who cherish you.

Nothing is perfect in this broken world, don't see yourself, as lacking or broken but rather something great in the making. Sure the trees, branches break, they get tilted in the wind, but the stronger the roots they have they stay put, build yourself a strong root (i.e character), even mountains slide, sometimes they erode but there is magnificence in how they are formed rising from the levels of plains to higher and higher than ever before.

In this sojourn of ours we are all alone in the multitude, we all have to fight our battles and gain victory over our fears, so were all the philosophers. artists, thinkers and pioneers who for passion they had for their subjects excelled in having a strong self-identity and affirmation for self and belief in oneself and for their work. Some were even criticized at their time, but later praised and idolized.

What you go through is nothing new, there are countless going through same struggle and hard times, there is nothing new under the sun, all a human faces in life has been faced by people before him/her and the coming generation will also have to endeavor the same.

Remember all the people at this time, who have gone through the same thing or going through and Stay positive, sending lots of love and positive vibes, stay strong and happy, "precious one". GOD bless you.

@2sleepy2function I'm sorry and I've been there. It's not cool when you're seen as the person who's the good listener but no one needs to check in on them or they assume that the listener doesn't need any help.

It's them, not you. They're not your friends, sadly. Maybe they were at some point and maybe you had some agency in being the one who was always there, always able to listen, etc. But not being there for you is not a true friendship.

I'm really sorry you're going through that.

@2sleepy2function

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

im always the backup friend. (We teach others how they expect to treat us, so if you are always at their beck and call then they will treat you as the backup person where they will count on. I'm starting to think that you feel this eagerness to connect and willing to do anything for others on order to receive love/validation) Nobody actually gives a damn about how i feel unless i make a scene. (You should really take a close look at your circle of friends and if they are actually investing in you. Making a scene is a protest behavior where you feel like you have to do something or make something happen on order to receive love. The problem with this is that it will always push the other person away)

A friend of mine once called me at ten when i was sleeping just so she could cry about her friends (I understand this friend needed someone to talk with, and that you needed to help them, but next time I highly suggest you return the call the next day when you are sleeping because you got to take care of yourself first.) and how they didnt want to be around her. I consoled her. I was her best friend until the issue was solved. After that she never messaged me unless she needs a shoulder to cry on. (She is starting to show a pattern of behavior where she reaches out when she is anxious, but then disappears without consideration for how you feel. I personally wouldn't make her a priority because she is not making you a priority)

The rest only hang with me and interact with me because there is nobody else.

Ive witnessed all of these girls making plans to hang over the weekend in front of my damn face. (This is definetly going to cause you to feel rejected and hurt in a way, but you are being triggered as well here and it takes you back to your past where you were excluded, so you are dealing with two things at once) They didnt even ask me, they only asked if movies or mall would be better for them.(This wouldn definetly hurt)

Last year i was failing math and i cried everynight. (It sounds like you went through a horrible time without having someone to console and be there for you, its one of the most awful things to go through) Nobody even batted an eye. (Did you express how you felt) When another girl was getting a B math i said "how do u think i felt" (I could understand you felt upset and hurt, but your comment came across as hostile, so it will make the other person get defensive which will cause an argument) she responds "nobody cares, that was last year it was so easy it doesnt matter" (This person is showing you she lacks empathy and consideration for you, she is not a friend you should be around because she doesn't have the ability to support others) i started tearing up and just ate a sandwich in silence while the others spoke. (This indicates you were afraid of standing up for yourself out of fear it would cause an argument or being neglected. I can tell that in the past things didn't go well when you tried to express yourself so you tend to keep it bottle up. I would have said "Hey i feel hurt with what that statement, i would appreciate if you are considerate to how i feel) Nobody did anything. I was crying and nobody was there for me.

Im only with these girls because im scared to be alone! Im so scared to be loney and alone. (I understand how overwhelming those feelings can be, but you have to understand that those friends are not able to give you what you need and you will often get triggered) I mean we have had ups and downs since the sixth grade, but they only help me or talk to me when they need.