Hard to make friendships as a young adult
Hello I just recently graduated college and I’ve realized recently that a lot of the friends I’ve made through my college experience aren’t really there for me when I need them. I was greatful for joining a dance team my freshman year and becoming nominated as one of the three captains for my junior year. I’ve met a lot of people through that group and I always thought they were my closest friends. However, this past year I feel that my friends and I have become distanced. This is mostly due to the fact that I had to commute to school and it is a 2-hour commute from my home. However, I didn’t mind the drive and would always drive the distance if my friends wanted to hang since all of them live around the campus. But I tried to reach out and engage with them in groupchats and they never reply. I also tried to make plans with my friend group to hangout but no one replies or they just flake on me.
I’ve also been feeling weird about why my friend group dote on each other with hugs but when it came to me their tones would change and treat me slightly different. I came to this realization when I threw my own birthday party on campus even though it was a long drive for me but my friends lived in that area. Only 2 people arrived on time and everyone arrived in groups 2-3 hours later. It felt embarrassing because I invited my sibling and cousin which they later told me that they didn’t like my friend group for how rude most of them were for arriving almost 2-3 hours late and then only staying for 20 mins.
I’m just so confused because I do see them as my close friends and they do invite me to stuff but I just don’t really feel valued as a person when I’m around them anymore. A lot of the times perhaps school or work can come in the way of hanging out and that’s completely understandable but I basically only see them now twice a year. And it irks me a little because I see those same friends hanging out with each other on social media all the time. So I don’t know, I’ve kind of isolated myself from everyone and deleted all my social medias because I felt sad and envious that all my friends are hanging out and making time for each other.
I’m heading off to grad school this fall abroad for a year so hopefully I maybe can make a friend there but I just wish I had at least one really really close best friend that would be there for me and vice versa.
@silverdrop
Hey silverdrop! Thanks for sharing your story! I can relate to a lot of what you said, and I know how difficult it can be to feel polarized from a group, see others excluding you on social media, and have a lot of physical distance separating you and your friends.
While this may be a complex situation, the most important thing to ask yourself is "Do I feel energized or drained when I'm around these people?" That should help clarify some things for you. Remember to prioritize people that uplift and support you, rather than those who drag your mood down.
But...easier said than done right? As humans, we often find it hard to let go of people that may not be the best for us because we have an innate and often subconscious fear of being alone. However, sometimes it's better to be uncomfortable temporarily to allow yourself to grow, instead of being stuck in a situation you're always unhappy with. Plus, just by reading your story, I can tell that you are a considerate, kind, and engaging person that honestly anyone would be lucky to call their friend. If I can tell this just from reading your post, I'm sure others can see it as well and will want to get to know you!
Sometimes, it pays off to step out of your comfort zone and re-evaluate the people that you allow to hold space in your life. Whether you want to branch out by joining a new activity, or step into your stretch zone by reconnecting with an old friend or talking things out with your current group, I have faith that you will find someone that is there to support you 100%. Just don't forget your own value and that you shouldn't take poor treatment from anyone! And finally, consider, what (or who) is the biggest weight holding you down right now.
Thank you @sophiasanae I needed to hear this! It is a complex situation but I should focus on me and do what’s best for myself 💗
@silverdrop
Totally! After putting your friends first for so long, you deserve to prioritize yourself. I hope everything works out for you but no matter what happens, just know you have everyone on 7 Cups behind you!