I don't know how to talk to her again
I really miss my highschool best friend. We were inseparable for 2 years and we could talk all day long together. I rarely had such a fusional friendship and I really felt so, so good with her. She was really impressive in many ways and we were so different but so complementary!!!
Then of course, our futures put us apart a bit, we went to different cities for our universities etc, and we couldn't see each other as much as before, but we were still reaching through text.
Then I started having kind of a little...crush for her. And that's how I ruined everything because I became way too jealous of everything she was telling me : new friends, new crushes, all new environment and I wasn't in it!! So I was very irrationnal but never showed any inch of jealousy towards her of course, I didn't want her to know I had feelings. But I was sometimes ignoring her a bit because I was too depressed, or crying for nothing, so maybe she noticed and has been mad at me I don't know.
We met again after months without texting, we saw each other irl and I was so exicted to meet her, but to her it seemed different, she nearly didn't speak to me at all, talking to her other friend instead, and I felt very rejected. (I know, stupid, it happens!!! she was still sweet to me..)
And after this hangout, we never, ever talked again, it's been now 2 years, and I regret so, so much and I miss her everyday, every single day since some months i've been thinking : "How can I reach her again ? I am so sorry"
I am so so scared she might be mad at me, or not wanting to talk to me ever again, I really don't dare even giving her a simple "hi" or "how are you", I'm...way too anxious but it's killing me, I really ,really miss her. She was my best friend and she still is in my heart. I just hope she didn't forget about me, she's shining so bright and I'm just there, thinking about her again !! She probably moved on but I didn't, and I still want to have hope..?
I feel in my heart that I NEED to talk to her again, it can't finish like this, we wasted so much time over a probable misunderstanding, and because of my irrationality.
The question is : What should I say to come back to her ? Should I just...pretend like nothing much happened ? Like a simple "Hey, I missed you! How are you doing", should I apologize even though I didn't do anything to hurt her ? I have no idea if she is mad at me or just don't want to bother me, I am super lost and this is why I'm coming to these kind of websites now... I've been really lonely lately and I have no one to ask advice about such a peculiar situation.
Thank you so much for reading this, I know it's probably long, and even if you don't know how to help me, I'm still glad you read me, it means a lot. Thank you.
<3
@beeW
HI Bee nice to meet you! Wow it sounds like you really had a wonderful friend in high school. aww I am so sorry that you both had to move far away to pursue more schooling. atahis could be so hard even though you both were texting. Please know that it is very valid on how you were feeling at that time. You both got really vlose and you learned to crush on her. That is very normal to have feelings on that level. As well as you not being a part of anything she was sharing with you is also so very hard- cause you both were so close. Very understandable! Wow I am so glad that both of you got to meet each other in real life. That part is awesome! Sometimes people have to high of expectations in someone and then do not know how to react to them all. I am sorry that you felt rejected-and it's not stupid at all. Mostly on her part for not including you enough in the chatter and stuff.
It sounds sad that after you both met each other and "she" decided not to stay in touch with you was nothing on you-but more so on her high expectations of you. This Im sure you were a great gentleman and respectful. It is very valid to feel scared on what she might be feeling about you or the whole situation. But...do you really feel it is right to check in with her and see about all this? You shared she moved on but you did not. And that is very ok
hmm...I was thinking a moment on your questions you had here. This part is on you to make the decisions that best fits you-maybe to move on. Or....can you write here a letter and mention everything you feel and think and share you are sorry.......but then tear it up? I've heard some people do this in learning to do the first step on moving on and making themselves better.
Hey I really appreciated you really sharing openly here. I know as well as many here moving on from a really good friend or loved one is hard. But you can start that first step and keep moving forward. Have that hope that one day there will be that special lady just for you. Huggles
@beeW
Hey there, it's really normal to miss a person who was really important for you, and I can tell it's really been tough for you without this person in your life. I can't tell you which decision to make because you are the one who will have to think about it and then make a decision. There's a couple of points I would like to bring out you based on what I read from your post.
1) I think that you miss her (I dont doubt this at all), but it seems like you miss more how she made you feel in the past, and how she used to be. You may want the old friend back, but there's a chance her present self might not resemble who she used to be. There's also a chance you might be feeling perhaps loneliness and have not found someone who has make you feel good like she did, so this could be one of the main reasons you are seeking to reconnect with her.
2) I want you to really think about the last interaction you two had before making a decision, to me it seemed like she didn't make an effort to connect with you. A connection is kept by both people investing in a relationship/friendship, however she has not make any attempt to connect in these two years.
3) We don't know how she feels or what she thinks about you, so assuming things will put you in a cycle where it will make you feel even more uncertain and anxious.
