I don't want to be around my good friend's husband
I have a good friend whom I care for dearly. She's smart, accomplished, and an all around good person. Her Achilles heel is her husband who, for years, has been unfaithful, selfish, and unsupportive. She's cried to me after each transgressions and failing to acknowledge her feelings (pretty often) but always forgives him, in an effort to make the marriage work. This last betrayal was it for me and feel as though if she wants to stay with him, that's her choice. However, I don't want to waste my time around him and I try to avoid invites where he will be present. This last betrayal has changed my friend, as well. She's desperately trying to keep him closer and feels the need to please him always and run everything by him. He's pretty unreliable and unpredictable so plans my friend and I make are dependent on what he's doing. So I'm shying away from inviting her places and then I get accused of not wanting to hang out with her. Is it possible to have my friendship without having her husband around, too? How can I tell her that I'm not interested in hanging out with him?
@Todavia
Hey! I'm sorry to hear all that. He is you're friend's husband and she is the only one who decide if she will continue their relationship with him. I see you understood that and I'm glad you've respected your friend's decision. However, it's completely your right to not wanting to befriend him. You are a friend of her not him. And you don't have to hang out with him when while you're really looking forward to hanging out with her.
It's okay to tell your friend that. She will understand and respect your desire. You can let her know that you're her friend and you have the right to choose the people you're hanging out with. You also can let her know you respect her and her husband but you don't feel comfortable with him being around.
I really hope things will go well with you.
@SunFlower700
Thank you for replying. She is extremely sensitive. We had a dust up recently and she took something minor very hard and she's barely speaking to me. So now I'm anxious about saying anything about him.
@Todavia
Oh I understand. This seems to be confusing. What do you think of telling her that you want to tell her some personal things which absolutely you don't want third one to hear? Does that something seem to be working?
@SunFlower700
I'm not so concerned with him knowing how I feel but with her not taking my aversion to him personally, even though my aversion is due in part to what she's told me! Over the years, she seemed to have become an extension of him so I can't imagine this as not being difficult to hear.