I feel really lonely.
I haven’t really had friends that genuinely clicked with me and that really accepted me for who I was since I was 13. Ever since then it’s just been people who I’m friends with for a bit but then we drift away or they use me bcos they like how I always listen to their problems and try to help.
I also feel like I can’t really be myself with anyone, bcos I’ve been called weird and strange for it. Im really quiet and shy now and I barely talked to anyone in my class, to the point where my teacher took me to the counsellor bcos she was so concerned about it.
I don’t feel like I can trust anyone, as I had a friend that chose my ex friends over me twice, though she told me I was a wonderful friend and that she genuinely really cared about me. She always took their sides, never mine. I was always the one who overreacted in her eyes.
Everyone calls me kind and nice but I feel like that’s all I am. I feel like I have to overcompensate and be kind and always listen to all my friend’s problems or else they’ll leave me bcos I feel like I have nothing to offer.
I do have some friends now but we don’t share any interests and we don’t even have the same humour. One of them made new friends and barely talks to me and my other friend now, and my other friend rants to me all the time.
I want to make new friends but I don’t know how. I’m scared I’ll just keep repeating the cycle. I want to have friends that I can tag in tiktoks, be myself with, give gifts to, and enjoy being in their company with. I haven’t had that for years and I just really wish I could.
Yeah I've been there. It sucks feeling like you have to repress your real self just to fit a mold that other people find acceptable. It hurts to be called "the weird kid" and to be known as the guy/girl who's always sitting alone.
In hindsight, it would've been better if I just embraced my weirdness and learned to accept myself. If I could go back in time, I would just tell myself that nothing matters in high school. Grades matter, if you're trying to go to college. But other than that, it doesn't matter what other people think of you. You're never going to see them again once you graduate.
It all just ends and then everyone reinvents themselves for the next chapter in life anyways. Except for the people who peaked in high school. They're going to cling on to that as much as possible and that's a sad way to live.
My advice to you is to not get overly attached to other people when you start a friendship. Like you said, they will take advantage of you and it will be worse than just listening to their rants. They will take your gifts and acts of kindness and still treat you like trash afterwards. I've experienced that first hand. If people view you as weak and won't fight back, then they will absolutely prey on you like a calf separated from the herd.
Be real with people. Tell them your honest opinions. Be "weird" and don't apologize for it. You might turn some people off from doing so, but at least they'll know where you truly stand and they'll respect you for it. You'll start feeling more respect for yourself too.
Don't worry if you're not able to make friends in your school. School bodies are small compared to the population of whatever city/town you live in. Once you're actually out in the real world you'll realize there's way more opportunities to make friends.
Best wishes, Cain
Thank you so much for your response, you have no idea how much it means to me. I’ll take your advice to heart, thank you so much :]
Im sorry that you had that experience in school too :( but I hope that you have nice, caring friends now as you sound like a really nice person!
@Silentlywishing your post pretty much reads like a page from my diary. I fee like I spend way too much time and energy trying to fit in and be likeable.
@cain96 I will also try and take your advice and be less invested in people who are clearly not invested in me (even if the reason for that isn't because they're bad people, just busy ones)
As a parting shot ... words to live by "take me as I am, or not at all" ... you don't want to spend the rest of your life pretending to be something you're not just for the sake of a few friendships ... and the ones who stick around will be more fun for you to hang out with anyway ...
Those words are really nice, they have a lot of truth in them! I hope you find kind people who accept you for who you are :]
I can relate so much. I’ve had a couple of close friends but when I left school they all stopped talking to me. I just want just one close friend who I can talk to everyday and talk about our days and just vent. I want a friend who I can turn to and they’re going to be there for me no matter what. It’s good you have got some friends now and you just need to think of the positive that at least you have someone.
Ironically, I can relate. I never have had many friends (I’m 22) and it’s just because I’m 100% socially awkward. I suck at interacting with people and they’ve kind of just always had to approach me first.
I’ve had friends. In high school, I had friends but a lot of them were bad influences and the ones who weren’t, I’m just not friends with anymore.
I had two best friends about two years ago; but they were dating and they were lesbians. They made me pick between the two and ultimately I chose neither of them because they also used me up like crazy (we were roommates).
After I lost them, I just haven’t ever been able to make any new friends. I am awkward, people think I’m weird, and I just am not I guess an ideal friend type.
I wanna meet new people so bad. I wanna go out, have fun, meet someone I can develop a close friendship with… but one, I’m a mom :) and two, I don’t know how to. I feel super lonely a lot of the time.
I have my boyfriend I’ve been with 4 years now… but things are not the same as having a GIRLFRIEND as they are with him. I miss having the life I never even had.
friendship can mean different things to many people and frankly many of us that do not fit in or have to alter ourselves with certain "friends" have a hard time ...... probably more of us then you realize
the attitude of .....here i am take me as i am .... is a great one but be ready for many friendships to only be superficial with you because many are so involved in playing a pert themselves your openness of "this is me " scares some as they do not have the confidence in being that way themselves...
I find many friendships anymore are just fleeting the idea of lifelong never changing friends seems to be a unicorn.....
we meet and spend time at work or school but as our paths turn to new job / school the "lets keep in touch and do lunch " is a polite saying IMO.
people come into our lives and add to it or take from it ..... people are either a blessing or a lesson .... take from each fleeting friendship what you can but do not dwell on those who do not stay their path is different .........
