I have no friends

I've been depressed since childhood, and after growing up I have realized I'm too abnormal and different from others. Its hard to catch up in every aspect. Another thing that added to it is me being asexual. It makes me feel so fucking inferior and triggers my depression and anxiety. Sex and sexuality grosses me out. Thinking or talking about it traumatizes me. The fact that someone might look at me with lust has scared me to the point I don't wanna get out of home. I'm finding it so hard to cope up with no sexuality. I could just not get married though I can not avoid people from looking at me like that. Its inevitable. But the bigger issue is that I'm really lonely and if i spend life without family I might do something reckless. My parents can't stay with me forever and my siblings have their own lives. It's really bad to let me live alone plus because of having no knowledge of world and being behind everyone I just can not manage living on my own. And i need family, emotional support. But I already think if i marry someone its selfish cuz im an unhappy person. And now this asexuality. If i marry someone I'll take his basic rights away. And that's selfish af. I should mentally prepare myself in case i attempt suicide or do something of that sort. The last thing i wanna do is ruin someones life. My life is already ruined. I'll just have to live in this ruin until either i naturally die. I just wanted to share it here. No need to try to make me feel better. Take care