I ruined a great friendship and I miss them.
Trigger warning: drugs mentioned.
I had been friends with this pal for about 4 years, but ever since they're nana died everything about my friends life had just gone to shit. They're granddad stopped caring and cleaning, my friend became super depressed and stopped using their phone (which improved their mental health) and I felt like we drifted from each other one winter. I stopped by on night and my friend had changed so much over the months since. Theyd practically dropped out of school and began to experiment with other drugs, (worth mentioning that their entire family had drug problems) and it made me feel like we had still been drifting.. I sent them a message and told them I didnt want to be friends with them anymore, they had been trying new drugs and I didnt want to be influenced by that- this was about 3 months ago but I really miss them now. I left them at such a shitty point in their life and I feel like I failed them as a friend. I just didnt want to watch this family crumble in front of me anymore. It makes me think about the first year we met, all of those times makes me miss the person they were, not who theyd become. I feel like such a terrible friend for ditching them when all they needed was a support system. I ruined our friendship, it was my choice to end it and I regret it so much.
@Skulli
From what you said, it seemed you were protecting yourself at the time for very good reasons.
If at the time you thought you had the ability to help them... perhaps you would have felt different then.
Perhaps you had no experience at helping people with drug problems at the time...or even now for that matter.
Being afraid of drugs and drug situations is a good thing.
Hanging out with them back then might have led to some bad things for you that you might be regretting now instead.
Perhaps there were other possibilities you could have used back then to help them... yet protect you at the same time.
Perhaps you could have created new boundaries for the relationship... where you could have protected yourself somehow... yet still coped with being exposed to the pain and danger you were trying to avoid to protect yourself.
But overall... you probably erred on the side of caution for your own safety... knowing your own limitations at the time.
When helping someone with a drug problem... it's good to have some training first.... It's very complicated. Things you might have done or said back then to try to help them... might have made the relationship even worse. It can be a very tricky situation to be in.
For example... one can get pulled into a psychologically "codependent" type relationship with drug users.
The drama triangle model explains how to help people without getting pulled into a stuck codependent relationship.
The video in the link above explains alternative roles to play to help people help themselves to make progress. But still even that isn't enough often... because people with drug problems often need professional help.
Here are resources that explain how to properly help people with drug problems if still interested...
https://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+properly+help+people+with+drug+problem
Please forgive any typos above.
