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I've been accused of creeping out a classmate and lost everyone.

User Profile: ERas
ERas April 24th, 2016

Long story short, I'm a 25 year old guy studying Beauty Therapy with a small class of around 11 girls as you'd expect. Most of them are younger than me with a few just as old. I've been suffering from depression, Avoidant Personality Disorder and the social anxiety that's tied with it for three years. I'm not as bad as I was at the start from therapy but I still feel I'm in the deep end but in a different way. I'm not the confident type given with what I'm dealing with but I do try to be as social as I can as my social life is pretty much the biggest issue.

Within the class, I would eat lunch with six of them that formed a clique. I get along with most of them with the exception of one of them and the person that's tied with this story isn't her but another from that group.

During one of the body treatments we were learning, I ended up being paired with a classmate aged 17 and that I had really good relations with. I was the client so all I did was lay on the bed and had a mud mask painted on me by her. Everything was fine from my perspective, the teacher is really loud, energetic and funny so watching her demonstrate step by step was pretty funny. When it was my turn, I had to wait and be taught after class as she said she was feeling sick and thought nothing of it.

Later during the week, I notice some odd behaviour from her and a few others within that group. I look on Facebook to see if something happened and I notice that she deleted me. I also check Instagram and Snapchat and I see that she's deleted me from there along with one other classmate deleting me from Facebook and later on, two others delete me from Snapchat, a past teacher deletes me from Facebook and I've been removed from the class group chat. It's pretty clear that she hates me for some reason and she's been telling the group and the teacher about it.

I'm never the type to confront people so it took me a few days to build up the courage. But when I did, she sounded as bubbly as she normally is like nothing had happened. We texted about it and she ended up telling me that during the treatment, I apparently made her and others so uncomfortable that it made her sick. Hearing this from her was a huge shock to me. She pretty much did a complete 180.

Fast forward to now, I've deactivated Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram. I've stopped eating and talking with/to them and I'm generally eating alone or seeking out other classmates to eat and talk with as I can't handle being alone. Normally I'd be pretty talkative and social but now I'm back into my shell and only selectively talking to a few classmates along with small talk with two other people in the group that one wasn't in the class at the time and another is naturally friendly and has seemingly warmed back to me but that's probably disappeared from the last time I saw her. I've only got one more week of class to deal with and I'm finished.

I've spoken to a counseller, my psychologist, the course director and a classmate that I had good relations with (Different story) and they all say that it's pretty much a shitty situation, not much I can do about it aside from keeping my head up and survive through to the end. I've already apologised during the text conversation.

Now I still feel as if I need to apolgise for my behaviour to the whole group and give out some sort of explination to them about myself and what happened from my perspective to at least get some closure to it. I also feel as if that this wasn't a one time incident but that I've been doing it constantly and later on with other people I meet, I'd do it again without me knowing.

Half of this post is me trying to unload but should I give the group an apology to them? I seriously feel that if I did, it would at least make things better if they knew that I'm just awkward and everything's just a misunderstanding. I honestly can't stop thinking about it while I still have the private reputation of being the creepy asshole in class.

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User Profile: Chiaroscuro1
Chiaroscuro1 April 27th, 2016

@ERas - This is a difficult situation and it is awful to be so misunderstood. It sounds like you have tried to explain and apologise but that didn't have the desired effect. I wonder if you know what it is you did that made them so uncomfortable. Because if you know then I suppose you can try to avoid that in future, but if you don't know it is just very frustrating. Have they told you what they need from you now? Maybe just to give them space even if you feel completely misunderstood? Sometimes when people keep wanting to explain when other people just want their space you can come across as aggressive and you don't want that either. So I don't know all the details about what happened and you are probably very unhappy about it. I wonder how you would feel about just writing a letter to each of them, just say everything you want to say, but don't give it to them. Just for you to get it out of your system. And it will still hurt for a while I'm guessing. Or what do you think you need?

3 replies
User Profile: ERas
ERas OP April 29th, 2016

@Chiaroscuro1

The only times I did try to explain is when I apologized to her and when I have spoken to other classmates and course manager about it so the possibility of word getting through from gossip is possible but I doubt it. I'm planning on just sending a letter like message to a classmate that's within the group but is seemingly in still good terms with me. I'll address the whole group but I'm not sure about addressing individuals as I feel some parts to it might be personal to them specifically. Might leave that up to them if they want to or something like leaving my number and them messaging me anonymously but I feel that what I'll send over would answer their questions.

They haven't told me anything as they haven't been talking to me at all or about the incident. I don't really expect them to but I at least want them to understand my perspective on things. The incident has happened a fairly long time ago. I'd still say that they don't want anything to do with me but I really don't know what's going on in their heads.

I don't really like to leave this kind of unresolved and I don't see any other way to go about things aside from the message. I'm just going to send it to the student, let her pass it on if she's inclined and maybe she'll put it in her own words to help but overall, I don't expect things to be back to normal. I really don't have any power at all in this.

2 replies
User Profile: Chiaroscuro1
Chiaroscuro1 April 29th, 2016

@ERas - I'm sure you understand the situation much better than I do and I am also sure that you know what is best for you. It sounds like you've made a plan and I support you with that. It's also an important thing you mentioned, that we only have control over ourselves and it can be very frustrating trying to control things that we actually have no control over. It sounds like this is still something that is painful for you and I can understand that. Please feel free to continue posting about this here as things develop, if you feel so inclined. Are you taking good care of yourself during this difficult time?

1 reply
User Profile: ERas
ERas OP May 10th, 2016

@Chiaroscuro1

We all went to a class lunch together today, I didn't have the guts to say it to them but I did ask one of the classmates to tell them. Whether she did or not is beyond me but I won't be seeing them again 'till next year. Now I just have to worry about not making a repeat later on in life.

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