Realization

I think my friend is somewhat a narcissist, and she’a my best friend, and it makes things hard and unsure about our friendship. I grew up with a narcissistic family so I have an idea on how they are. We currently live miles apart as we live in different states, but keep in touch regularly There are good parts about her and then I have my doubts if she is or not. I feel like usually when we make plans it always ends up on her terms and we’ve made plans before and would ditch me for something better or something else. Things I’ve mentioned for us to do she always seems annoyed and the least bit interested to do what I mentioned. We had a bit of a sticky moment in our friendship when she came to visit with her and ex 3 years ago which we ended up talking it out. She recently became a health coach, and I feel like when I mention things she has some comment about what I should be doing or what could help etc. like I was talking about how birth control was making me sick and she was pushing on me about how there are other methods and you don’t need to take hormones and sending me links. I just wanted to be able to share how I was feeling. I didn’t need a “lecture”. If I mention anything that’s bothering me it’s always look on the bright side etc. i just feel like sometimes when we talk I feel like she’s telling me what to do or give me unsolicited advice. I did reach out to her to hold me accountable to workout, and so we started last week great, and I’m on my second week. Today I’m just feeling run down and very tired and not workout ready which really stinks because I really want to stick on schedule but i decided I need rest and I rescheduled to Thursday. But I was explaining how I’m sorry and I just feel like a failure but all I need is rest and I should be better for the rest of the week, and she just responds with haha ok. Maybe just stretch or go for a walk. I really just wanted a it’s ok rest is good or something. because I just felt like again a failure and incompetent that I didn’t show up to work out today, and I guess I felt like she was going to get upset or not understand my point of view. Due to my narcissistic upbringing I noticed I was trying to over explain why and would hope my best friend would validate me, and I feel like I’m always trying to explain myself and I think maybe she makes me feel somewhat invalidated. The good parts Is she’s always there for me and we keep in touch. I’ve had friends I’ve lost contact with or who don’t put in effort and the friendship is lost. She does inspire me. She stays healthy and active which is something I try to inspire too keep up with it.