Realizing why my anger was triggered
Hi:
I am going to check-in and talk about my healing process with a former frenemy was I am now learning is a communal narcissist. Basically, I have been working with a therapist who told me not to go back and keep looking at her social media pages and anything related which really worked
Well, I recently went back and looked at her profile only to find that I was angry with her for a week while looking at possible triggers.
A. I recently ran into one over her friends over a month ago and asked how she was doing. He basically told me that she had been trying to use flattery with by bragging about things that aren't true.
B. When I looked at her page, I saw that she and another close friend, who she went to high school together, were doing things. When we were, "Friends," she made it sound like this school mate was drifting apart from her.
I found that these feelings surfaced during Thanksgiving and I am wondering because I got together with her in 2011 and believe me, that year was a disaster.
@Summershy
the pull to look at someone page or post is a trigger .... especially if you see the that are opposite of what you know to be "true" with that type the only truth they know is in the moment....
talk bad about someone for a long time then next playing they are besties from way back etc....
you said another person also knows she tells lies for attention and bragging..... One should only feel sorry for those types ......... anger does nothing and even if everyone knows what that type is no one seems to call them out on their BS
I miswrote so let me rephrase. I don’t know if he knows that she lies all the time for attention. Rather, he just told me that she brags to him all about begin happily married. I gathered that she was trying to flatter him with false facts to make things sound better than they are. I also didn’t talk to him that long. Instead, I just came to the conclusion that she is annoying. However, I laughed about it with another close friend. Based on pictures I have seen with her and her souse, she is not happily married.
Yes, we do need to feel sorry for her because she is definitely capable of admitting that she lies. She is so arrogant it’s not even funny. I only saw that side in her when she didn’t bring a dish that she bragged about making one time. When I talked to another good friend a hi it, she explained to me that I caught her in a lie and so she was probably guilty.
However, I have learned that she is narcissistic and isn’t a healthy person to be around.
@Summershy
What happened in 2011?
11 years is quite a long time to be angry with somebody who doesn’t seem to have anything much to do with you anymore?
She and her husband had me over for dinner on Thanksgiving. Additionally her in-laws were there. Her mother in law was not only very nasty to everyone, she also thought that she was better than everyone else.
Her mother in law said some pretty mean things to me that left me crying all night after the event was over. For example, she made an assumption that I could not afford anything.
When I told my frenemy about it, she did the narcissistic lack of empathy thing. “‘Well maybe she said that because of your current situation.” What?
I normally don’t think about that situation very often, it was just Thanksgiving was a trigger because it was Thanksgiving week.
@Summershy
I’m sorry the mother in law was cruel to you and made you feel that way! No one deserves to be treated like that.
Thanks and it was a long time ago but yes, I was very upset. However, she was a petty controller who obnoxious with everyone.
For example, she bullied my ex friend and her son because they didn’t have proper plates for dinner.
However, she and my ex friend after very close and I think I know why. They are both entitled women with enjoy bullying others.
