What to do about my condescending, patronizing friend?
I've been friends with a guy who has helped me through some stuff in my life in the last couple of years and I've listened to him, let him vent and overall tried to be supportive.
He has a pattern of being condescending, patronizing and pushy. And when I get annoyed he does a form of "joking" and says, "I'm just picking on you." Then when I get so irritated I have to stop talking to him, he gets angry and implies that I am immature and I one-sided to do so. Even though I have explained to him that when I get that irritated I use that time to rest and recovery.
I have told him in the most calmest way I can that I don't appreciate his comments that come across as condescending, patronizing and pushy. He says, he doesn't mean it to be condescending, patronizing and pushy and that I shouldn't get butt-hurt about it.
This is going on for months now and there are times when he has said he has done it on purpose to provoke me. I realize that I should begin to distance myself from this friendship, despite the times he has helped me.
I guess my question is this... how do I let this friendship go?
I have a hard time because I feel some kind of debt to him for him helping me through some tough times, but I'm realizing he has a pattern of wanting to "save me," guilt tripping me when I want to take time for myself after I get irritated, not apologizing for being patronizing and not respecting my feelings.
What can I do to continue to let go of this attachment?
@SelenoPsyych21
Hi @fairmindedLand4097
You've explained your problem really well, I think. You've decided what you plan to do about it, and you've analysed why it's difficult to go through with the plan. It sounds to me maybe part of the problem might be within you, because you feel some debt, and part of the problem might be that he resists change by behaving in ways he knows will get to you. I'm wondering whether each part of the problem gets in the way of the other.
Are the resources here at 7 Cups any help? I hope you have found listeners who understand how you feel about these things, so that you can explore possible solutions with them.
@RarelyCharlie, thank you for your comments. Yes, part of the problem does lie inside me, as I have a tendency to enter into co-dependent relationships and friendships. And he knows to how to get me to respond even when I don't want to.
I have a lack of boundaries and have a hard time maintaining them. Thank you for your suggestion to explore this with a listener. I will go ahead and do that. :)