feeling helpless in love
I have been in love with my best friend for several years. there have been several ups and downs in our relation as the usual ones would have. Everything has been normal except that, he cannot tolerate me asking any questions like, why he had not called me up for last 2 days, is everything alright etc. he is like one fine day he would stop picking my calls, goes somwhere, keeps fon off, or block me, or doesnt respond at all and even though i am used to this pattern by now, each time i get worried for him if he is alright. I keep quiet for a day or so thinking he must be busy as usual and then will try to reach out to him when he doesnt respond at all for days. Then suddenly he would call me back some day and i obviously ask him what happened with him..he keeps mum for these questions as if he is not listening; everything else would be back to normal except for these questions.
When he does not like something i say..immediately he ll respond .".i dont like the way you talk " and disconnects the call and may or may not call again..for days..
I cant imagine breaking up with him and he too cant (i think). But this behaviour makes me so upset and i feel so helpless that he does not let reach him at all until he wish. I end up dialling his number 100 times with no response; Is this how loved ones are supposed to be treated?? i really dont get why he behaves as if doing mercy on me..like if u want me around..follow terms and conditions..and i dont get why am i feeling so weak to accept these and hold on..why am i afraid of losing him when his behaviour makes me think sometimes atleast that he does not care at all if i leave forever ...i feel like saying "get lost" sometimes when i get hurt badly and taken for granted...but i m scared he ll just leave and will never come back.
@brightRainbow44
Is this an actual mutual romantic relationship? You describe him as your best friend, not your boyfriend. Perhaps the reason he's being so unkind is because he doesn't return any romantic feelings toward you, and thus your desire that he treat you like he's your SO is obnoxious or overwhelming to him?
As someone else said, it's never as easy as "just go find another man" when you are in love with someone already, but based on your description it would sound like it's not even an abusive relationship because he isn't actually in a romantic relationship with you? Your expectations of him sound very needy and excessive if he's just a friend; he does not need to be at your beck and call at all times, nor does he have to tell you why he didn't want to answer his phone if he doesn't wish, or participate in conversations he doesn't want to.
It sounds like he likes you well enough to continue the friendship despite your behavior, and perhaps there's information you've left out that might make the relationship seem more mutual. If I am right in reading into this that he's just a friend, perhaps you ought to consider whether this is a healthy situation for yourself? It might be worth considering trying to date someone else if you want to maintain the friendship, in order to not put so much pressure on him to "be your boyfriend" when he's clearly showing that he doesn't want that.
