A few days left

Not sure if this counts to be in this forum but here it goes,

Had a gf. Both shared same career interests. Broke up. I have the physical therapy boards on October 5th. Kinda scared af lol. Just want to pass and finally have all of this stress over the physical therapy program finally be over after a longgggg 2 years.

Met my gf in 2020. COVID. Started physical therapy school in 2021 September. All the stress from school, my ex's family, my own family, life in general.....none of it seems real. She doesn't feel real. Like "all that actually happened?!". I know it's because of the program but still ...seems kinda crazy I delt with all the other stuff and still made it this far. She, I'm guessing, finally started physical therapy school somewhere upstate (she told me after break up that she got into a program).

Guessing she is "in it" now and is gonna finally know why I was emotionally distant, stressed, and why she had to "make an appointment" (how she would eord it) just to see me. (She didn't like how I was being pulled in multiple directions between my jobs, school, family stuff, and having to share the car with my parents....and I don't blame her, I hated it to, I lived it.) I just hope, as selfish as this is....I hope her program is just as hard as mine was. They throw so much information at you, and if you fail exams, you can get kicked out the program. I just hope she can at least understand what I meant when I said how stressful PT school is. She couldn't understand cuz she hadn't lived it yet. Now she's in it.

She told me she's seeing new people, her bff told me she seeing someone new. This was 5 months after breakup. She can't be alone. And it's beyond obvious now, and you add her going away to a physical therapy program...... reality is finally gonna hit her hard. I want to think the new guy is some jacked bodybuilder looking self made business dude. But the more I been around her family, I get the feeling the new guy probably looks more like her father, and probably doesn't have a job, or a dead end one at best, and maybe a few years old then me(I'm 25), because she'll chase someone the opposite of me....someone with all the time in the world, daddies money, and no ambition to get out of the house. Like.....Good Luck. But idk, I've learned that what you think would make logical sense, tends to be the opposite. I'd bet this dude is everything her parents said I was "he's gonna live off you. Why is it always pinching pennies? Why can't he just ask his parents for a car? He didn't take you out to a fancy restaurant? He only got you a picture frame for a present?" (Mind you her father's a doctor, but his daddy paid for his school....so there goes any sense of reality of "putting yourself through Physical therapy school"....let alone medical school).

Hopefully, she gets it now. I know she can pull through, but the emotional part, the pressure, the stress, idk if she can handle it all. Yeah her parents help her financially, mine didn't so in theory she should be less stressed. But still. I know I "shouldn't care" but I do. Just hope she makes it through what I had warned her were gonna be the hardest 2 years of her life..since when we were together, I was in PT school, and she wasn't.

I do kinda feel guilty for having gone out on more dates with other girls during a 2 month summer break then me and my ex did in our 2 yr relationship. I hadn't had my car yet, COVID, work, and school...so I know there were valid excuses as to why. But after school being done...so much time and stress does brush off your shoulders. She didn't like that, or care to wait because she "got tired of waiting for 2 years". Yes, I've been "hoeing"(she would joke that I was a "***" before her, just because I told her I would sometimes casually hook up with girls if they fit into my schedule before me and my ex met.) It could have been her or anyone at that time, I shouldn't have been in a relationship then, so many things going against a relationship at that time.

I don't feel guilty for putting my education first though over our relationship, had I done the opposite, I wouldn't have been able to support her, or set a example. But we aren't together so, guess it's "not my problem?" God willing I pass the boards and get my license, I can make $40-$50 for a 30 minute visit in patients homes. So I know I shouldn't feel guilty. But a part of me still feels guilty for putting school first before me, my mental health, or the relationship.

Just hope she finally, truly, gets it and sees me.

But yeah. Hope she gets it. Hope she makes it.