Am I Alone in This? I love you more

Hi all. I don’t really know how to word this without sounding completely *** ridiculous, but I’m struggling.

I’m currently stuck in that horrible place of wondering whether I love my partner more than he loves me. I hate even admitting that because I know he’s struggling and I know this isn’t necessarily about me.

He’s been going through a really difficult time mentally, mostly because of an injury that kept him away from fitness for quite a while. Fitness is his passion. It’s such a massive part of who he is, and having that taken away from him really *** with him. He’s starting to get back into it now, which should be a good thing, but his moods are all over the place.

I genuinely never know which version of him I’m going to come home to. Some days he’s there. Other days it feels like he’s a million miles away, even when he’s sitting right beside me. I’m constantly second-guessing myself.

Did I say the wrong thing?

Did I ask too many questions?

Should I have left him alone?

Should I have hugged him?

Was I annoying him?

Was I not supportive enough?

Am I making this about myself?

Should I just shut up and give him space?

I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells trying to figure out how to love him in the way he needs, and sometimes I honestly feel like no matter what I do, I get it wrong. the part that hurts the most is when it feels like he would rather talk to literally anyone else than me.

I love this man so *** much. stupidly, completely, overwhelmingly much. I would do anything for him. I’m constantly thinking about him, worrying about him, trying to make things easier for him, trying to understand him, trying to give him the space he needs, trying to be the person he can come home to.

But who do I come home to? sometimes I feel so incredibly alone while being in a relationship, then the really horrible thoughts creep in.

What if I’m another thing he has to deal with rather than someone who makes his life better? What if he’s slowly falling out of love with me and I’m just desperately trying to hold onto something that he’s already letting go of?

I don’t know if those things are true. Rationally, I know they might not be. But when you’re beside someone who feels emotionally miles away from you, your brain doesn’t exactly strive for rational thoughts.

I think he probably has quite an avoidant attachment style, and I’m trying to understand it. I’m trying to give him space. I’m trying not to chase him for reassurance. I’m trying not to make every withdrawal about me. I’m trying to understand that sometimes he needs to disappear into himself when he’s struggling.

But I’m scared. I am scared that I’m giving him so much space that eventually there’s no space left for me in his life. I don’t know where the line is between loving someone through a difficult period and completely abandoning your own needs because they’re struggling.

I don’t want to be another burden on him. I don’t want him to feel like he has to look after my feelings when he can barely look after his own.

I’m exhausted from trying to be understanding while simultaneously feeling like my own heart is quietly breaking. Listen when it's good, it's so *** good. He's an angel, a sweet, kind, funny and driven soul who deserves nothing but love and luck and joy. I wouldn't exchange him for the world and will stand by him through every challenge. In short, I love, adore, and admire him.

I just wish I knew that he still wanted me beside him while he works through all of this.

Has anyone else been in the same situation? What did you do? TIA