Am I being unreasonable?
Hi,
My husband goes to work 5 days a week and loves spending his weekends either playing video games/sleeping/relaxing. I too go to work 4 days a week and I'm also taking part time courses. On weekends, I like to relax too but also hang out with my friends.
Now here's the problem, I love planning activities like going out for a stroll, going to watch a movie, going out for dinner with our friends etc, on the weekend. But my husband doesn't want to do anything on the weekends. I understand that he needs to recover from the week and I don't plan things every weekend. I only plan activities once every month or sometimes even once every two months.
I'm not expecting him to spend the whole day with me but is it unreasonable of me to ask him to spend 2hrs of his weekend once every month with me?
Just to add to that he doesn't spend time with anyone, just spends his time playing or sleeping
@quietSugar8879
That is not unreasonable...It is more IMO then about a few hours a weekend....
Yes people can have stressful jobs and need decompression time... we can respect our partners need to relax.At what point is the relax and recover mode so he is ready to go back to work not living to work NOT working so you can live...
When my partner did this .......i felt the job came first and my needs came last.... my spouse told me "someday" we can catch up with all the outings etc..... except when someday came he was not able to do much as his health was gone and i am still doing things on my own ............ if he has zero life outside of work besides sleep and video games perhaps the job is too draining.....
@quietSugar8879
It’s not unreasonable for you to ask 2hrs from him on the weekends. But at the same time, he has the right to live his life how he wants to just like you have the right to live your life however you want to. And he’s not stopping you from spending your free time/weekends however you choose to so maybe you should let him spend his however he chooses??? Neither of you are harming yourselves or anyone else so while I completely understand you wanna spend time with your husband, I also understand he may just need to relax to recover from the week.
You mentioned you don’t plan activities every weekend and that he works 5 days a week while you work 4 days a week.
Have you tried playing video games with him? If not then try it. It’s not about liking or being good at playing video games. It’s about spending time with your husband doing something he likes to do as a comprising way to try convincing him to spend time with you doing an activity you like afterwards by telling him “we did what you liked. now let’s be fair and do something I like. what do you say/think?” But depending on what the activity is, let him be recovered enough to do it. Like if you wanna go out for a walk, or out to dinner together or with friends, he won’t want to if he’s not recovered from the week yet. If he says not this time maybe next time we’ll see then keep it simple by leaving it at that and end it with ok sure no problem. Try these suggestions and see if any of them work. Good :) ❤️❤️❤️
@quietSugar8879
I feel sorry for what you are going through. What you want from your husband is completely reasonable. You want just an hour or two in a month to stay together outside, having dinner or watch movie together. That's very little a wife can demand.
You both have almost same working days/hours. It's possible that his work makes him exhausted but I want to tell you something about me. My work is tough I believe, make me exhausted end of the day. I'm also a person who is introvert and a video game player but when it comes to be around people I love, I can give atleast 10 hours every weekend. I believe he might need motivation or change of mind. If he try, he will be easily giving you that much time atleast if not more.
Did you tried to be his companion in playing video games and slowly turn him to what you actually want? Maybe being around him at that time, reaching his comfort zone will make him feel that you also need husband as companion while going out sometimes.
@quietSugar8879 It's understandable that you want to spend quality time with your husband and enjoy activities together, especially on weekends when you both have more free time. Here are a few points to consider in addressing this situation:
