Am I enough for someone?
I'll make the backstory just a few sentences:
Got into a relationship in 2020. I was a broke college student studing the same field as my ex gf. She said she never felt like a priority because I couldn't plan dates or take her to a park. I didn't have a car because all my mom went towards school. Her parents also didn't like that I didn't plan dates, meanwhile her dad was a doctor and acted like COVID wasn't happening.
I am finally working, having finished school, and between my salary job and weekend side job, I make 90k a year. I have 10k in credit cards to pay off and I still live at home, I just turned 26.
I feel like I "did everything right" and still got punished for it.
I don't mean to sound like I'm sorry for myself since I know people have things a lot worse, but she was with me when I had nothing, a year before my life changes, she leaves, after having stuck by side for 2 years. Her parents gave her a ultimatum to break up with me or she "wouldn't have parents" anymore. She's 24 now.
Am I enough?
*all my money
@toughPapaya1551 You are hurting and I imagine feeling betrayed. I’m not ignoring that when I say to you, you’ve got to be enough for you. Don’t spend your time looking back. Someone out there deserves your attention. Covid denying Dr. Stingy-Pants Sticupdabutt doesn’t deserve to live rent free in your noggin. People with lots of money aren’t always in touch with reality when it comes to understanding those without it. And maybe there is some small truth to what they are saying. Maybe you didn’t do everything you should have in that relationship…but, that is life, we all fail a little in some areas and win in others. Lessons learned, we do better in the next relationship. Move on. Learn to love yourself too.
So her parents were right to manipulate a break up because I was a broke college student?
@toughPapaya1551,
nobody said that.
Learn to love yourself. Let it be.
@toughPapaya1551 What I meant was on a feeling-level maybe little miss Sticupdabutt thought she wasn’t getting enough from the relationship. Maybe that was her idea. Maybe she mentioned that to her mom and maybe the parents rallied around her. Or they don’t understand how you couldn’t have pulled $$$$ out of your behind and flown their daughter around the world. You probably can’t really do adequate forensics around their state of mind or anything. I think that often the “reason” given for a breakup is b.s. You’ll wear yourself out trying to chase down anything that makes sense. BUT sometimes we have the opportunity to see if we had any negative affect on the relationship. Maybe she didn’t want attention that required money. OR maybe the lack of money attention is just her chicken poop way of making up a story to dump you. OR maybe she and her family are wackadoodle cookoo birds and you really dogged a bullet. Point is, learn from the experience whatever you can, but don’t spend too much time looking back at the dumpster fire. Turn around and head out into the world and find a girl who enjoys you company. It’s a lot more fun to focus your energy on building new relationships…letting the past go is loving toward yourself. If you love yourself you’ll be attractive to others. AND you will always have one primary relationship for life, and that is with you. A good relationship with yourself helps carry you through the rough patches between relationships. You may find miss right next relationship OR she might be five more relationships away. You’re young. Tons and tons of life experiences ahead of you. Some of them are going to be about romantic relationships but don’t focus all of your life there. Do you want to face forward and take a broad view of all of the awesome possibilities in your life OR do you want to look at the dumpster fire behind you? It’s totally ok if you chose option two for now. You’ll get tired of it eventually. But my friend sooner is better than later.
Thank you for the clarification. It's just that it's been a year since the breakup and I still love her, and I thought I would have been "over it by now". I've met other girls and stuff but....still. I still love my ex and I want it to stop. she got in a new relationship 4 months after the breakup with someone so much of a downgrade it doesn't make any coherent sense....besides one point.
He has all the time in the world. And daddies money (he's 27 years old making $25 a hour with a degree in history he doesn't use from a private school) Don't even get me started lmfao.
And the last thing I had, the thing I never had was time. I had school, work, or family obligations like taking care of my brother who has mental health issues. Her sister has special needs too so one would assume her parents would understand my position....they didn't.
She did stay when I had nothing. She had every right to complain. ***, I complained too, I was living it. But I did what I had to to change that. I had been doing it since way before I met her, when I first started college. It just hurts that people who you'd think would understand my position in life.... didn't, or didn't want to understand.
I feel like at this point, I dated her parents moreso then her, that's her own problem, but I just hope I get to see her again someday in my new life. Because when her parents weren't nagging her about "He only got you a picture frame for a gift?", "Why can't he just ask his parents to get him a car?" "Wdym he didn't pay for the date?", "Is it gonna be penny pinching all the time?"...our only issue was me not wanting kids, and she did. As time went on, I wanted kids with her. Then her parents manipulated a breakup.
I'm having a bad night. I'm so sorry
@toughPapaya1551
I have seen your story and i know it is hard to get over this but in the end she did not come back to you saying look he makes money NOW and the struggle through school was worth it...
Have you ever considered that perhaps her parents just did not like you for other then finances? perhaps it is a bit more .........and in the end she CHOSE her parents and safety in that over being with you and the work paid off and you ARE doing well. real relationships should not be taken down to a resume. how much does so - and so make etc. it is about the person
Some parents want to control there kids lives and do not like a person who may be a threat to their control. Some parents do not like letting a child make their own choices and perhaps her new BF plays along and wants them to tell him what to do as well.
You nailed it on the head. She would complain about her parents control, and when I would give her advice on how to take control back and live her own life, they would "act up"
