Am I over reacting

My spouse and I haven’t always had the best relationship but I need some feedback on a recent situation.

Spouse wanted to buy a used car…this is not a NEED…he has a “toy”summer car and a truck. I have a car as well. His rationale for the car is to drive for work when a truck isn’t needed to save miles on the truck and fuel. (He is in sales)

I initially told him I didn’t think this was a good idea since we are saving to build a home. While we can technically afford it, it would take a chunk out of our savings. He told me I was right, and he would forget about it. A couple weeks later I learned that he had test drove one nearby. He told me the budget was 7-8K, and again explained how much it would save in the long run. There is a specific model he wanted and few available. He found one at a higher price point, just under 14K…lots of extras, low miles fair deal. I reluctantly agreed. The seller was a bit of a jerk and pulled the deal. Spouse was very disappointed and frustrated. I sympathized , and said that we would just keep looking and reiterated that there was no rush and need to do so.

There has been another one he’s been eyeing, but it was halfway across the country, we are on the East Coast, and listed at 19K. He called the dealer about it while I was working (I didn’t know about it) to find out what their bottom dollar would be. ($18K) we both work from home so he kept asking me to look at this listing and photos. It was a VERY busy work day and I had several meetings. I was able to quickly look at the photos during a 15 minute break. I told him that I would like to look at the photos closer and discuss more after work because I just didn’t have the time to do so at that moment. He was a little irritated and said there was really nothing else to look at on the photos and that he had told the dealer he’d call them back before they closed. I apologized that I didn’t have the time until after work.

A couple hours later work is done and I find him watching TV. He proceeds to tell me about a female friend of his who lives near the dealer, how he told her he’d be in the area, wanted to see if she might be around for a visit and she invited him to spend the night. (This is a childhood friend who he was in love with for years, and has always held a candle for. She is married have kids and successful. He hadn’t seen her for years though they had kept in touch occasionally. Her mom passed away last year and he attended the funeral, spent a night with a house full of family and reconnected a bit.)

to say I was shocked, is an understatement. Not only had he moved ahead with the purchase of the car he had made travel plans to fly out to get it and stay with this friend.

Thursday there is a TV news story being aired on our local station about us and the loss of our son a few years ago. This will most likely elicit some emotion, and I thought we would be watching it together to support one another. This is the day he has his flight scheduled.

I explained the three issues that were most upsetting 1. he made the decision to purchase the car without further discussion. It was not a joint decision. 2. He made the decision to accept spending the night with a friend who’s husband will be gone.(we have had trust issues in the past.) 3. He didn’t give any thought to being gone during the time of the new story will air.

His responses 1. I want the car. It’s a done deal I’ve signed the papers. 2. I had feelings for her when I was a kid there’s nothing to worry about. She’s not interested in me that way. 3. I am recording the new story so don’t watch it until I get back then we can watch it together.

Then his concern was, how long are you going to be mad at me for all this?

I feel that he justified and dismissed my concerns without any attempt to resolution or compromise. He thinks I’m over reacting.

Feedback??