Am i weird or what is going on?
I have a boyfriend. He is great. Loving, caring, he cleans appartment, would bring me roses on occasions. Girls envy me and i have to say he is a catch. BUT. We live in a one bedroom apartment, we both work from home as we are both digital creators. It started suffocating me. We are not two persons anymore, we became one as we are 24 hours together. We are thinking about wedding but i am very hesitating lately. I dont know what is wrong with me but i just dont feel this is it. But i cannot pinpoint what is wrong. Probably nothing! Would it be better if we moved to 2 bedroom appartment? I am so lost.
@easyTriangle311
You pin pointed a lot. You even developed a new way to think about the issues and a potential solution! You go girl! Talk with your partner about these feelings and listen to them and figure this out as one, that's unity, that's great. I'm sure the two of you can handle this, one way or another, and hopefully respect if you need some space. Secure attachments allow space. :)
-Leo
We did talk but he doesnt see any problem. And he doesnt like to discuss relationship much which i dont like. He said i dont see a problem, we love each other and thats it.
@easyTriangle311
Setting boundaries typically carries consequences. When people push our boundaries there should also be consequences. The sooner established the better, however it's never too late to establish whatever limits you need to to feel safe, secure, and accepted. Failure to establish secure boundaries can result in all sorts of chaos and hurt feelings and misgivings.
Have you asked him to listen? Make yourself heard. Express yourself, loud and clear, in the living years. 💖
@easyTriangle311,
you need your space, we all do. Looking for a bigger apartment with more rooms makes total sense.
@easyTriangle311 hi it sounds like your boyfriend is really great that he obviously loves and cares about you a lot and is very romantic, caring and considerate, but you are unsure if he’s the one for you because something inside you doesn't feel right.
I think you have to be absolutely certain that marriage is the right step for you before committing because once you’re married it will be harder to get out of the relationship if you do decide he’s not right for you.
How do you feel about moving into a 2 bedroom apartment and seeing how that works out for you first? It doesn’t seem as big a commitment as getting married when you’re not really sure if he’s right for you.
@easyTriangle311
Absolutely two parts in a relationship need space to be their own human being, you can go out with a friend or suggest you do grocery shopping on your own and simple stuff like that where you have your own spaces. That is absolutely important and you're absolutely right in wanting a bit more space to be your own person. Maybe moving is a bit difficult to think of for him right now so you could start with taking breaks or moving office spaces?
The thing is that i dont know if the problem is one bedroom apartment or that I feel this is not it. I constantly feel ill and I know this is psychological thing. I just dont know why. Besides that he doesnt like to talk about relationship i cant find things to pinpoint. When i said we need to talk he does listen. I feel heard. He just thinks that there is no real problem as we are looking for bigger apartment already and this problem will be gone soon. But deep inside I am not sure if this is the problem. Do I see myself with this person in 10 years? I dont know. And this really bothers me. I really dont know if I overthink or I am not honest with myself.
@easyTriangle311 I don't think you need to rush into getting married if you're not ready. The fact that he doesn't like to talk about the relationship to me would be a big concern going into a marriage since being able to talk things through is so important.
It sounds like you do have ideas about what you need but maybe doubt yourself or are worried about pleasing him? It's okay to not be sure and it's okay if ultimately you are not ready. Not all relationships end in marriage.
@easyTriangle311
Reinforcing what @Mickey46 and @Daydreamer47 are saying here.
Sounds like there are two issues here to focus on:
First one, the difficulty of your partner to talk about relationship. I believe it is really healthy to talk, always, in any kind of relationship. Although I understand it's not easy.
Second, sounds like you need your own space, which is totally normal. Some people need it more than others but regardless of how much personal space one needs it is important to respect it. Maybe you could get involved in some sort of activites outside the house (hobbies, etc.) or just meeting friends.
With all this going on... no wonder you're not feeling ok! These are very important matters. Rest assure you're normal, anyone would feel the same in your situation.
I'm here if you need anything!
Both of you could pick up hobbies/activities that get you out of the house. That way not only will it create space to miss each other, but also space to talk about your separate experiences in the day
