Anxiety from past issues with close family members (Dad/sister)

2001-This happened when I was a pre-teen. At this time I had bathroom issues which I don't anymore so we had a timer in the upstairs bathroom (set for 12 mins) I'm calling the timer the "crazy" timer because beside it beeping at 00:00 mark- it would beep at 15, 10, 5 mins as well. I think this year if not the previous year (2000) I learned to have a shower and not do baths anymore. I guess Dad thought I was talking "too long showers" so on nights when Mom was out and I was having a shower Dad would open up the bathroom door and turn the timer on, hence "training" me to have short showers.

This has an effect still today-of causing an issue with my Mom- that because of being 'trained' to have short showers, I sometimes leave soap on like my face because of it and Mom's nagging me to start having longer showers.

The crazy timer is no longer upstairs in the bathroom, but I'm fearful, maybe anixous that if I did try to train myself to have longer showers that Dad will start the timing me again. Actually, because of the shower business-I'm afraid of what he will think about "wasting' water if he founds out about the showers for one part of the body number 2s come out of for after I do a messy one.

2003-Now there's two things to know before I talk about the actually story. One that at the time of the story my church only had I think 2? lunches on Sundays per year. The first would be the "Block Party" on the first Sunday in Sept, I think after kids were back in school. And the other one would be the birthday party for a certian person that Christmas is suppose to be about. The other Sundays in a year would just be crackers, cheese, grapes, maybe bananna bread, and in 2008, rice krispes and coffee and tea for the adults and for the kids, or non-coffee or tea adults, juice and cookies.

Now the other thing you need to know is that until 2001, I was in the now-defunct childrens' choir at my church. I decided to quit in in 2000 and join the other 11/12/13-17 years olds at Breakfast Club (we would do some activity before breakfast that some of the teens/preteens' parents would make-all I can remember is that one breakfast from breakfast club was waffles with Ice cream.). Because of me "quiting" choir Mom joined one of the two adults choirs that the church had at the time. (Mom has now joined the remaining adult choir).

Now to the actual story part.

For the first two years when Mom was in choir- I would stay at church after church and be in what was then the Toddler's playroom and play with what I considered cool toys in there and have my lunch while Mom and the other ladies pratice. And mom and I would stop at the grocery store on the way home and then go home.

The next year in 2003- our church's amateur theatre group got made-i didn't figure this out until years later. So because of the (church's players) being made and Mom being one of the many church members to join-I was allowed for the first time in my life to walk home from church by myself.

Now this was the start of two very annoying questions from my Dad started. First thing he would ask from 2003-2008 whenever I came home from church was "Where's Mom?"* depending on the year, it was either play pratice, or choir pratice if it was after Nov! The other question which annoyed me a lot was "Have you had lunch yet?" and sometimes he would offer me his lunch-keep this in mind for later on in the post. For the first question-I think its one of two reasons I stopped attending church because I got sick of it every single Sunday since 2003. The other reason would be having to get up and eat really early to get to church for like 9am for Play or choir pratice for Mom. (The service didn't start until 10am-so I would be like by myself in the church part until the service started)

*Please note this isn't the only time where Dad would ask me where Mom is. I think he started to treat me like Mom's sectary starting with this. Because sometimes he will ask where's Mom is on a Tuesday night when she has a meeting at the church, or if a church event was happening and I came home early Dad will ask "where's Mom?" or "is Mom with you?" I'm at the point where I want to modifed a line from a religious text in the Old part, and say "Am I My Mother's keeper?!" the next time Dad asks either of those annoying questions.

2007(?) This particular story mores invovles my sister Luna then it does our father but he does play a role. Now I'm not excatly sure how it was -but for the church's annual play (whcih was a musical Christmas Carol this particualr year)-I somehow ended up as an usher for it. And something I had done on and off after 2009 or 2010 until Covid, and then again last Nov, and I for 2014-2019, Iwas also doing it for Mom's one-woman plays as well.

Oh and this is a major background point for the story. I can't put it in to words very well but due to having to "fight" with me too much when I was younger they basically ran out of spoons so to speak, in trying to battle with me so they didn't actually parent me like they're suppose to. So because of that my sister is the one who actually kind of parented me. I only say this because its the only way I believe, I can explain why I 'listen' to her when she tries to punish me like telling me to "sit on the steps" like in the following story. when I'm having a meltdown.

Now this took place on a Wedneday but on the Tuesday night before the four of us were all sitting down to supper at the table-and Mom was to me apperently giving very clear instructuions for the next night-but I guess neither Luna, nor Dad was listening because of what happened the next day. The things Mom was mentioning is 1)she had a meeting the next day but would be home before 5:45pm, and 2)I was suppose to eat before she got home and 3)she and I were being picked up at 5:45pm to get to the church on time.

Now the following afternoon-I don't know what time it was but I did notice it was getting late and I still hadn't had supper yet -I think it might have been around 4pm. I noticed Luna in the kitchen trimming one of the dogs and I somehow found out she had put I think it was baked potatoes into the oven before trimming. At this point in time I didn't do any of the family cooking but I know even at that time-that baked potatoes took an hour to cook and I knew that it would be cutting close to the time I needed to leave.

I tried to explain to her and then I tried to explain to Dad, that I needed to eat *before* Mom got home but Dad took sister's side. and I got more and more frustated about it and they're getting angry at me for having a meltdown for what they considered "no reason".. and it ended with Part 1, being my sister telling me to "go sit on the steps" and I did where Mom found me and she was not at ALL Happy to found out about the fact I hadn't eatten yet. Part 2 was Mom asking Luna "How much longer did supper?" Luna replying "A few mintues..do you want any? She (me) wouldn't be getting any".

So because of that I had to quickly throw together and eat a cheese sandwhich thanks to Luna's and Dad's not listening to either Mom, or actually listenning to me.

So this i have two titles for "The baked potato incident" or "the night I had a cheese sandwhich for supper"

(I have to look for something before I can cotinue on with this thread-because I can't remember what's next, I think 2012 is next on the list)

Yes, 2012 is the next one. This is a three parter

Now the main thing is on an island I can get too from a ferry terminal in Toto is a kid's theme park -i been to this theme park since I was a baby. There been times when Mom and I could'nt go for reasons.

In Summer of 2012 there was a shake up of things from May until July - Mom was away in East Asia (Korea for a school reunion, and then China for a tourist trip) and the 2nd half was in the town her parents lived in at the time (grandma, would do following August in 2013) with her only sister trying to take care of grandma and helping my Aunt you know, pack up the grandparents' things. (Somewhere in this house there's a Better or Worse comic collection book or whatever it's called that I would always look at when I was in the town-and Grandma "gave" it to me according to Mom). Oh and one thing (which I should have mentioned in the OP was Dad being a cheapstake. Oh and at this time I didn't have a bank card and also I'm not allowed to go into Toto on my own.

Now to get to the story- now that the plan get changing* about who would be taking me to the theme park. Would Dad take me/would Mom take me? Now on Thursday/Friday Mom had returned home from (grandparents' town) the plan had been for her to take me on Monday to the theme park. But by Saturday(?) the Aunt was calling her begging (?) I can't remember really, for Mom to returned with her to (town) on Sunday.

So that meant Dad would take me there (before the almost change in the plan with Mom taking me like normal- Dad somehow thought that the Toto's subway system, extended to the Pickwick Station and we could "park the car at that station and take the Toto Subway system to heart of Toto", and also instead of having to pay for the ferry-would have been about $13.40 today for the fare (1 adult, one senior) he wanted to see about paying for a water taxi instead-which would have been about $25 but Mom talked him out of both ideas and not to mention-that the ferry fair also cover your return as well otherwise, you needed to fork other another $25 to return via water taxi),

anway the one good thing about it being Dad and I going is it meant I got to be 100% responsible for the bundle buggy (translation personal shopping cart)-so that meant the night before pack it with stuff we need- bookpack with water, and snacks-nuts for Dad, and some mini eggs in an old dip container for me (remember this for in 2 seconds), bungee cords, to protect the backback for when we're on rides, and our coatas as well. If you want to imagaine my Dad, try to imagine a cross between Hagrid and Snape from Harry Potter. The Hagrid reference will come up again in later stories. So because of his height it meant I also got to push the bundle buggy (if Dad tried to do it-it meant the buggy was doing what I can only describe as a wheelie).

So after we got to the island and got our stuff (I can't remember if we got the braclets that Mom and I normally get or tickets) and we went on a couple of rides and it was time for a snack-I got Dad's snack out and then I went to get mine out and Dad was like "it has probably melted by now".

If I hadn't been without a bank card and if I was allowed to be in Toto by myself - I would have told Dad to go home and I would stay on the island and go back to the main land to eat and go home when I wanted too.

I'm going to continue this thread tomorrow because its almost 1am in the morning and I'm tired after being up at 7:15am two days in a row. Part 2 qnd Part 3 of the 2012 adventures will be tomorrow.

Part 2 of 3 of the 2012 adventure

The only background this story needs is the fact Dad doesn't have the expereince that Mom and I have in Toto so that whenever Dad and I are in Toto together (this will come back later) if we're crossing the streets to get someplace, he will be pulling my arm off.

Now after Dad and I got back to the main land after being on the Island- we ran with Dad basically yanking my arm off and that was making it hard for me to drive the bundle buggy 28mins from the ferry terminal to the semi-mall, which had a Red Lobster resturant inside it.

Now at the time the Red Lobster company was having a deal-a three course meal. Dad was in a bad mood when we discovered that the deal was over at least at the location we're in. That was despite the fact he had seen an ad for the meal as late as the night before. So I ordered my usual of "Seaside Shrimp Trio". Now techinally, the server is suppose to ask you what side you wanted (At the time, it was either: Fries, brocclic or rice) but on the then-menu it showed you a picture-of the dish with Brocclic as the side so the server must have assumed that customers get whatever side is shown on the menu. Dad didn't understand why I didn't want the brocclic but I did get another server to get me the fries instead.

Mom has told me for years afterwards that Dad called that "bad service" but I chalked it up to the server being new. I might have been reading the Not Always Website at this time or if not now not too long later I started.

3 of 3 parts of the 2012 adventure:

After we're done at Red Lobster we headed to the train station back home. I don't remember what time we got there or if we needed to buy tickets -I think we were there at 7-8pm and the last train didn't leave until midnight. Now remember about Dad pulling my arm off? That's important.

Now we got to the train statio nand I guess a train was going to come in going Eastbound (our direction) so we hurried up to the platform but on the platform smack in the middle of the platform there was a group of elderly people (2 women and a man) and there wasn't any room to go around them on the platform so we had to go through them and I might have ran over a woman's toes -I did shut "sorry over my shoulder" but I don't know if she heard me or not because Dad was pullng my arm off about hurrying to the train. But Dad then blamed ME for "running over the woman's toes" -but he's the one who insited on going through the group and had been pulling my arm off which might have been why I didn't have much control over the bundle buggy. I dodn't even know if she felt anything

But Dad was SO sure that she'll be angry that he tried to make me take my hat off "so not to recognize us" because she happened to not only be on our train but on the same car (accessible car) as us.

Next 2012 story- this takes place in October and once again it involves "Luna".

Now the only three things you need to know for this story is. At this time my sister has been to college/University twice, and as of the 2nd one she graduated back in June. The only other thing you need to know is that if four of us are in the car together-I'm stuck behind the Hagrid driver while Luna gets to have the more legger space behind Mom. The only other thing you need to know is I loved brocclic and cheese products and I had just lost one kind of dish and I had another one that wasn't open yet. and I highly believe she eat that to "Get back" at me

Now the actual story:

It was my graduation day at the college and my sister was having problems-I think couldn't find her shoes? Dad told me to "go wait in the car" while since Mom was going to meet us at the college- Dad didn't tell me where to wait in the car so I chose the Front Passenger seat. When Dad and Luna came out-they tried to bully me into sitting in the backseat because she chose to wear high heels.

1. it was MY graduation day and 2. Regardless of who was sitting in the front we would have to give it up anyway afterward the cermony to Mom who was meeting us at the college.

When I refused to move Luna refused to come to the cermony and stayed home. Mom wasn't too happy about Luna not coming and her and Dad's behaviour about trying to bully me.

Now I can't remember what the scenario was but either I was trying to get something for my Monday night supper (I was going to get someothing for supper before I went to bowling)- or I was doing the recyling the following Wednesday and discovered that the last package of (new brocclic dish) was in the recyling. The only one who could possible have eatten it was Luna- Mom said Luna claimed that "there was nothing else in the house" but I call that ***. The house was full of food there could have been plenty to get or she could have just walked down (or even if she wanted to drive down-she has her own *** car)-to McDonald's or Wendy's or someplace and GET something to eat.

2014- another story involving "Luna" as well as Dad.

Now remember how I said how I said that after I got home from curch that Dad would offer me his lunches after founding out I hadn't eatten Lunch yet? After 2013 he would constantly ask me whenever I was home for lunch if I wanted lunch so that would be: Sunday, Tuesdays, Wednesdays after Work, and Fridays. The cycle would be like this: me saying "no" or "I have other plans" to Dad and then I occasionally give in hoping it would get Dad off my back for a little bit but no its just restarts the cycle and this was going on and off from 2013-2020. To the point that by 2018 that on Wednesdays just to get away from Dad for awhile I went to the mall after work.

In the "Early" days of Dad lunches- Dad would give me what I can only call "sides" (baked beans, or on soup days- toast with hummus). Once Mom came home early from church and critized Dad for giving me "Too much food"

The last bit of infomration at this time I didn't know how to make fruit so I had to rely on Dad to help me with that.

Actual Story

By this time in 2014 Dad had gotten to the point where he would have soup on the table without even asking me if I wanted it during the winter. This particular Sunday Dad had served Broccli soup and I got confused about why there was no toast with hummus on the table. Dad did get me some (and angrily) and by saying "the brocclic has fibre in it".

Now later on it was my fruit time and this particuar Sunday Mom forgot to leave 1/2 a Banana in the fridge for me. So Dad tried to give me a banana in 4 pieces with PB on them and I wanted a FULL PLAIN banana. When I refused them Dad yelled at me and said "FINE GET YOURSELF MORE FAT!"

I then tried to listen to him later and he first went on and on about carbohydrates and then he said something I thought was riddlcious "Your Mom and I think you're getting insluin restiance" I think I would know if I was!

When I was trying to talk to Mom later in the computer room Luna had to but into the conversation and said "you;re chunky kiddo".

It wasn't until I last year Mom finally agreed with me that Dad and Luna should have kept their mouths shut about my weight because my grandma had body-image problems because of her own mother, my great grandmother's insensive comments about grandmas weight when grandma was growing up.

Oh and also Mom agree with me about how Dad treated me once in 2016 and how he shouldn't have done that either. But I will get to that story we have to get through some other stories first

October 2014

Now at this time I had just been attending my day program for under a year in Achillies. The program occasionaly has "field trips to places like museums, or a bowling alley or to the zoo and sometimes we will have an outing (not the same thing)-to the park during the summer months, or to someplace like the mall during the winter.

Now I believe in Sept-that I learned about an outing that the program was going to have in October the outing was to a farm and as you're leaving you could get yourself a pumpkin for free. That night I was talking to my parents about it and they said I should go and at the time-we decided I wouldn't pick up a pumpkin.

Now when it was getting closer to the time Mom apperently changed her mind and told me to pick up a pumpkin at the farm. I constantly told her to UPDATE Dad about HER changing HER Mind about me picking up a pumpkin. But apperently she never did due to the events of the story.

Now the way I would normally get to and from the program is by bus either I think at this time bus tickets or in the future (which is now present)-with a transit card like UK London's Oyster card. Now on the day of the small outing Dad dropped me off at the apartment building expecting me to take the bus after the outing. When we returned back to the building Dad wasn't happy about calling him to pick me up. because I had gotten a small pumpkin.

On the entire way back to Willow he was yelling at me so much that he wasn't listening to what I was saying about the fact Mom had changed HER mind and to take it up with HER -and the stuff he was saying was "YOU NEVER LISTEN" and crap like that. I was forced to leave the pumpkin at the church and walk home.

But i was so visble upset about Dad's beavhour that 2 people asked me about it but 3 people heard the story . When I came out of the church part of the church and was going to leave my then-boss at the church (have a new boss now)-she and another woman ran a catering service from the church-were doing something with their catering business at the church and my boss at the church saw me upset and asked me why I was-I explained about Dad's behaviour. but both women listened and then I left and our formal postal worker lives not too far away from the church so I walked by his house and he saw me upset and he asked and i again explained about Dad.