Anxiety from past issues with close family members (Dad/sister)

Now when I was really little Mom stopped going to Dad's family doctor. So she went until I was in Gr.9 to woman family doctor. I on the other hand didn't need a family doctor really since I went every 6 months to Sick Children's hospital until I was 18.

As an adult I did need a family doctor and Mom looked around for one for both of us. At the time we been without a family doctor for about two years. Another thing you need to know is I get really bad cold sores that I need meds for.

Anyway in October I think, I was going to be meeting this family doctor for the first time. The night before the meeting-Mom talked to Dad and it finally got in his thick skull for just the one week after Mom said "How would you like it if I (she) went to his doctor's and starting talking about stuff from My (her) point of view?" Stuff went okay on the first visit.

But a couple of weeks later in Nov.. we went back for a 2nd visit (my records were suppose to have been at the new clinic by then). In the car I kept asking Dad if he "remembered what Mom told him" last time. He kept saying "Yes". Then he told me to "Remember to ask for coldsore meds" once we were at the doctor's. But as soon as we got into the doctor's office-Dad had to open his big mouth and say "She needs coldsore meds".

it was after this I wrote a contract that Mom said was "hurtful" and all it said was either a)Dad has to keep his mouth shut, or has to wait in the waiting room. This was how I discovered I "might not be able to understand the doctor" But what Dad said or did was hurtful that I would have much rather go to my specialist's in Toto on my own then have to have Dad take me and I'm not even allowed to go to Toto on my own.

I literally planned everything down to a T (commuter train, subway station which stop i needed to get off of) and I still had to take my Dad to the 2019 appointment with the same specialist. only thing is he kept his mouth shut this time and was only there a a scribe.

I think Dad didn't get it until there's was a comic strip of the Jewish family who was in the paper and the protagonist of the strip, a Jewish mom with two daughters was at the younger daughter's doctor's appointment and the Mom kept asking questions and the daughter hushed her and said she would answer the questions only to be stumped on the next hard question the doctor asked her, and then the daughter said "that the parent could answer the "hard questions"

predates the October 2019 story  in May 2019

Dad being rude to a guest 

I'm going to call my cousins Emma and and Ember.  the other cousin Ruby (she's my age).   Now Emma is 6 years older them my own sister Luna who is 7 years older then me,  but is the only one who isn't blood related,  she's a step/adopted cousin (my Uncle Jake -not the actually name adopted Emma when he married her Mom Aunt Daisy-not actually name).   Now at the time she had her own family,  a husband and a daughter of her own Bella (not actually name).       I have two Aunt Marias  one is my Mom's sister, and the other one like Aunt Daisy is a SIL, the wife of the baby brother Sean (not actually name).  Oh one other person who I will call Mr. Knight, one of my dad's friends and also Dora another one of Dad's friends.  

Now some other background before I get into the main story.. In 2011 my Mom went to "Shakespeare Town" aka "Bard Town" and saw "Shakespeare's Will.  Because of this Mom really wanted to put it on  but when she asked they said she couldn't get it yet so she looked around and found some other one-woman plays based upon historical people.  

Now for the first 2-3 years,  people would tease her about how much fun the "Cast party" was after the play.  But Mom got the idea to invite my family down Grandpa, and also Aunt Daisy and also Aunt Maria and Uncle Sean and any cousins that might want to show up. As well as originally Mr. Knight and later on Dora.   And what we would do is have Dad (and Luna if she was there) go get Chinese food, when the rest of us gets silverware and plates out from the Church Kitchen (we were eating in the church upstairs' hallway due to the amount of people).  We have jokingly referred to this as a "cast party"  well I guess because the auncles and cousins do help out with clearing and setting the stage back up for the church as well as me (who is an usher), etc.

 The one year (before the main story) after Mom had been doing this for 2 years we heard that that Cousin Emma was going to come and when I heard that Cousin Emma was coming I suddenly had a flashback from summer of 2013 when Mom's mom was still alive,  and we had a gathering at Cousin Emma's place during the summer and I remembered that during the gathering that when we're getting food (it was a potluck), that Cousin Emma asked if a dish had meat in it and I think that Aunt Daisy mentioned something about Emma being a Vegetarian.  Once I came back to the present time (at the time) I asked Mom  about that and she checked with Aunt Daisy and Emma is Vegetarian

Now into the actually story-

Bella would have been about 4 now in the story.  Now we had invited down family again for Mom's play and we didn't know if Emma would make it or not but by the time we found out (by asking Aunt Daisy),  Dad had already gone to order and get the food so we had no way of telling him to get some Vegertian food as well.  So when Dad came back with the order I asked if he had gotten some Vegetarian food and he's like "She will just have to deal with what we have" which I consider a bit rude. Since if "Mr. Knight" had been there that Dad would have made an effort to make sure the Chinese food was gluten-free because Mr. Knight has CD.

I know that CD and Vegetarian aren't the same thing and one is a sickness/allergy while the other one might be a life choice. It just I don't know how long Cousin Emma has been vegertian and if she accidently eats meat, that it could technically make her sick.

Nov 2019-Dad yelled at me for something that has nothing to do with me

Now back ground information

two years before this my day program decided on starting to have potlucks around the holidays. Don't know why these was a potluck in November through because we don't have any holidays then (our Canadian Thanksgiving is in October).  Well whenever we have a potluck I would come to the program with Cake (Mom would ask me what cake I would like her to back and take it to the potluck).   Well this time it was the church play and I was ushering the play like I had for years by this point.   And also Dad was trying to work out about a new shooting range to take "us girls" (Luna and myself  if I need to use my name I will say "Jane" even though that's not my name)  too after we lost our previous one after we moved Grammy and grampy to a retirement home  near Aunt Maria. 

In this story:

It was Thursday Nov day my program had a potluck and there was leftover cake to take home.  Normally if It was a Monday I would leave the cake there and take it home on Thursday but since no one is going to be in the "program room" on Friday I took it home.  But I couldn't carry the cake all the way home- I was able to get from the library bus stop to the grocery store before I had to call Dad and asking him to pick me up.  But as he was picking me up he was a rude *** *** saying things like "I should have just thrown the cake in the trash" and he continued yelling at me when getting into the car and I'm crying and I believe I said "he was being rude" and Dad's response was to SCREAM AT ME THIS: "YOU BEEN RUDE SINCE THE DAY YOU WERE BORN!".

When I asked Mom that night at our supper what's Dad's problem was and Mom told me that he was trying to get a discount on a new shooting range and he was having problems. But he doesn't like me taking my anger out on him, so why should he do it to me?

update: But we're at a different different shooting range which i have been to twice now with Dad.

date unknow, but post 2014.  Dad thinks he knows better then I do about dog's bathroom habits

Now at this time my sister had 3 dogs -2 American cocker spaniels their names for story purposes "Caesar" (girl) and "Smokey" (boy) the newest dog member was Puffed Chinese Crested,  "Aero" (boy).  At this time I had been walking Caesar and Smokey for awhile now.  I can't remember if I had ever walked Aero yet at this point.  But I had a lot of experience by this time walking the American Cocker Spaniels.   (Caesar died, 2018 and Smokey died, 2020).  As oppose to my Dad who had 0 experience.

Now I do know that in the following story I don't look good in this but this shows how "Dad thought he knows better then I do" about Caesar's bathroom habits despite having 0 experience with walking her 

Now into the story:

Somehow I got roped into taking a walk with my abejoi (father) and Luna, my ennoi (older sister) and Luna's dogs.  Luna would walk "my nephews" Smokey and Aero, while I would walk my niece Caesar with Dad walking behind me.   Now that we were walking down Street 1 in town and Caesar stopped to do bathroom (number 2s) and I stopped and clean it up and 2 seconds later she stops and go to the bathroom again but this time she's was just peeing.  But Dad was SO SURE she was doing number 2s again and it ended up in an argument that ended with me dropping the *** leash and storming home.

Later in the library Luna said "I was never allowed to walk the dogs gain because a girl almost hit Caesar"  I literally tried to tell her MY side of the story but she wouldn't LISTEN until I told Mom MY side of the story before she allowed me to walk the dogs again.

Luna knows what our Dad is like there's a reason why she doesn't tell Dad about problems with her car until it becomes a pain for her.  That tells you something?   

Basically trying to live with Dad is like what Mom says about living with me and Luna and that's is "We have to walk on eggshells around him" but he and I are so good at pushing and breaking each other's eggs

unless I remember others biggies - the next posts are minor things which stresses me out with Dad.

Dad's "help" with the dishwasher.

Now background my Dad retired from teaching in 2013 and Mom continued to supply teacher (unless she got a Long Term Occasional when she would full-time sub an absent teacher's class) until Sept 2020.  My family orders Chinese food a lot for birthdays and holidays  and we normally order enough food to last us 2 meals.  Because on the first night there's not enough dishes to wash the dishwasher we don't run the dishwasher until the mid-afternoon on the following day.

Now this story was in 2018 when Mom had an LTO so instead of having an "pudding" (an adventure) on Friday a PA day in Toto like we normally would, we ended up having it on the Saturday instead,  but Friday night we had Chinese food.   On Sunday afternoon  I went to do my job with the dishwasher and I forgot exactly what happened, but I somehow noticed  silverware was flithy.  And not only that but I had to check my cup and take plates out of the cupboard and everything was flithy 

Turned out that Dad had tried to "help" the previous day by putting away stuff not realizing the dishwasher hadn't been run yet.   I mean I know he was trying to help but as Mom has said to me several times "WHY CAN'T YOU USE YOUR EYES!!!" and notice the stuff you're TRYING TO PUT AWAY IS COVERED IN GRIME!!

But then this is the same Dad who sometimes puts knife with PB in the dishwasher without rinsing it off.

Dad eating leftovers others meant to eat

This doesn't concern me much or does it? Well when isn't not using leftovers he had a habit of eating other leftovers others meant to eat. In either May of 2017 or 2018-Mom had made crab cakes earlier in the week and she had planned for us to use the two extras for Thursday night's supper (for her and I since it was a play night for us for mom's play). But on the night off we look all over the fridge for them and couldn't find them and we discover SOMEONE (ie: Dad) had eaten them for his lunch without *** THINKING! And another time Mom wanted to use leftover chicken for supper and once again, Dad had eaten it for lunch

It still was a problem as late as summer 2020. We had been having wraps on and off for supper throughout the summer. One day at lunch time I was noticing that Dad was making a wrap for lunch and due to the incidents above, I suggested he checked with Mom first and he just told me to "*** OFF".

Turns out at supper I was right because supper that night was wraps but because Dad had used 2 wraps (and he thought he was using 1 wrap) Mom had to go get a frozen bag of wraps shells from the basement and when they're that frozen they're hard to get out. And I glared at Dad when she said she had to open a fresh bag of wrap shells.

Dad's unsafe thawing habits 

During Dad's time of cooking most of the weekday meals and making me the volunteer sous chef-for those meals.  Dad in warmer months (before school's out) would leave frozen meat like chicken ON the same sink that he complained about "it being a flithy sink next to a dirty counter" back in 2016 because he thought 'thawing it in the sun would thaw it faster" because of the sunlight coming in the window. The last time he did that Mom was getting ready for work and I told her and Mom came downstairs and told Dad off about that. I mean he could manage correctly to thaw the stuff during the winter months in the fridge so how could he NOT do the "safe method"  for warmer months (May-early June)?

Mom told him off because sometimes when she subbed she would be a Foods Teacher and also another reason is that for Bible Camp she had needed Smart Food Certificate.  (I don't have one but I'm as knowledge as her about food safety)

Dad's cooking mistakes 1&2

As I have mentioned already for several years Dad did most of the weekday suppers it would be a variations of chicken/sausage/fish +grain of some sort (bun, baked potato, sweet potato, "potato wedges* Yams, or hashbrowns)+veggie (peas, carrot or cream of corn)+my salad. Now Mom and I have a running joke saying that "Dad likes a little food with his pepper" . Now for several (three at the most) for three years he would put too much pepper on Mom and my peas and that was on top of not putting them on a plate he insisted on them being in a bowl.

The one time Dad *did* listen to me about not using the bowls-he really should have used the bowl in that instance. Since it wasn't peas we're having but cream of corn. So it made everything else on the plate soggy. Even if it was just a sandwich. Guess whom he blamed for it? Me -he claimed I had "bugged him too much about using the plates".