Are breaks ever a good thing?
My boyfriend of 7 years and I have had a really good relationship.. with some minor consistent issues that pop up sporadically. But truly nothing that is relationship ending.
but a few days ago he told me he wants to go on a break & focus on ourselves. We live together so every day he tells me he loves me still & that he’s doing this to save the relationship.. but it’s so hard for me to believe him.
I don’t understand the point of a break.. I think it’s just a way for the one initiating the break to go be single while keeping that option of a relationship open to them.. while the one that doesn’t want the break sits around waiting for their partner to choose them. I am hoping that is not this case in my situation, but you never know.
from past experience, breaks make me feel unworthy of love, damaged, ugly, unwanted, and undesirable..
I love this man so much & I truly want to be with him for the rest of my life.. but I’m so scared that he’s just out there being a f-boy meanwhile I’m sitting in our home balling my eyes out and trying to heal a broken heart without knowing if I should even be heartbroken.
I am trying to be okay with this break, as we’re are in our mid 20s & have been together for almost 7 years.. so I do believe it’s important to experience life to truly know this is what we want.. but I’m so scared to lose him. I’m scared he’ll realize he doesn’t want me.
everyone always says “you’d rather know now if he is or is not the one compared to in another 7 years” but tbh, I don’t know that I want this answer.. I just want to be loved by him, even if it’s just a little longer.
@goldenPlane2884
Breaks can be for various reasons and while your idea of it is one option..... there are many others ....
If as you say you have a few things pop up but nothing to serious or a deal breaker .... is that a shared view? I have taken a break with a partner because of small things that were not dealt with and popped up over and over .... and when they saw my view clearly it did help.
How is your real communication ? you can love someone and yet not like something about them. We do not speak up sometimes, do not want to hurt others feelings but that only sets this on simmer not resolving it.
Do you keep up with each other.... for example people may change over time and think about or like other things and in the case of my partner .....he had decided this or that was my Favorite and did not see "yeah it was 5 years ago not now" . What he feels is a loving gesture........ is a constant reminder that he does not listen to me or see growth or change.
It can be scary to be in long term while so young and wondering if you are just following a path of this is next step and next step out of "well we have 7 years so far" and wake up down the road with regret.
Maybe take the time to work on yourself ... who are you ( with or without him) ? what do you want in your life? do you feel this partnership will support the life you envision? Will you need to compromise and change your path to make it work? do you have a clear understanding of what you BOTH want and see in future or do you assume you both are on same page?
it is easier to see things away from the relationship.