Asked for space to work on us, got told divorce was the next step.
My husband and I met when we were teenagers, I felt something right away and had this feeling that someday I was going to marry him. We went on our own paths, but ended up back in the same one, and started dating. We each had kids, very similar in age, and got married. We've been together for 16 years.
Long story short, we decided to separate. We had some really good talks and conversations, we sat and made it clear our intentions were to reconcile and grow stronger for each other and our relationship. There were changes being made that I had begged for for years, there felt like a stronger connection, more intimate and physical aspects were coming a focus, and solution was definitely found. Im hopeful and encouraged, and am excited only to be told he's decided me wanting the separation hurt to much, and while he'll always love me, he wants a divorce. We put a pin in it for a minute after a conversation and some time together. I've been open about where I am at and how I want us to continue to work on this, he sent some mixed signals but I was still hopeful. But today it he matter of fact lying said he will not budget, and as much as it hurts and hes not happy about it, he thinks its how it has to be. He doesn't want to be with me anymore. Seems to get upset with me when I express that I feel like he's giving up on me. That my emotions are mine yes, and my thoughts on how it makes me feel are mine, but I want him to hear them. Maybe that's unfair of me. Ive been listening to his, no matter how hard it is to hear. I have not argued or dismissed them. I am actively working to understand them.
I just feel o lost and hopeless right now. I feel like ive let our family down, him down, and I feel like my wants dont matter. I want to make rash decisions but am not, because that's not healthy. But I feel so stuck, I have for awhile but its even more persistent now. I dont really have many people to talk to. I have a lot im concerned and worried about now. I have everything stacking up on me and all I want to do is fold under the weight of it all and cry. I dont want to function, I know im depressed. I want to talk to a therapist, but I can't afford it.
And even with all of that, I just want him to call and say ive made a mistake. Let's keep trying, and because I know him the way I do. He won't. Its killing me.
@helloZebra8088
🥺
I'm so sorry he wants this!
That's alot!
Please in these moments because gentle with yourself.
Your feelings matter too, even if he won't listen.
You are not letting anyone down at all.
It's going to hurt now!
And it'll be tiring and emotional but one day at a time, you are not alone here 💕
@helloZebra8088
I am sorry you are feeling this way. It is hard when you get mixed signals or are simply not on the same page. in your post you say taht you have been listening to him even if hard to hear and you are trying to not argue but working on understanding his position. Was that not happening before?
Honestly as it often happens one person may have been ready to let go before the other even knew there was a problem. When that person is ready to leave, the other is all on board to really listen and try .......but for some that is too little too late...
We see this person everyday......... maybe think small things are there... but we take it for granted and not see how the other person really feels. It would be better if he would just be completely honest about it instead of making you feel there is a chance. Letting someone down easy ... is never easy and often IMO hurts more and longer.
Talk to him or write a letter tell him how you feel and ask any question you want about how he feels or how he came to his decision. When people have real communication, both may see their position differently, but we cannot change their mind even if we try.
It was happening before, but I would always feel like it was necessary to insert my thoughts or feelings. And with reflection I realized how im not a fan of that, and i dont like it when he does that to me, so I want to change my listening skills not just to benefit us, but me as well.
Im in a better place today, still full of sadness, but im starting to wrap my head around that this could be the end. And I dont have to like it, but I do need to learn to accept it.
@helloZebra8088
this is just an idea.... something to think about.
its common that a trial separation goes like you tell. regardless of what is said, one person wants the trial separation more than the other person does. one person wants it and the other is forced to accept it. when the separation actually occurs one or the other gets an emotional spike of rejection. doesn't matter if nothing is said, the feeling is the key. then all the human emotions take over and not always in good ways. if you can do it, fill your time with other stuff and or activities. if he wants to come back he will. and its better for you if he does that without you asking.... you already told him he is welcome. that is enough.