Back and forth
Just being honest here...i am getting so sick of this back and forth in my mind, in my heart, in my thoughts, and in my emotions. One day (or one part of a day) i feel fine, i feel open, i feel like i can do this (whatever THIS is)....i might even make it a couple days from time to time and i begin to think that i have got atleast some of this crap figured out and then without warning, something happens (it doesnt even have to be a particular even or anything, i could just be a moment) and then im losing it again, my depression sets in, my sadness overtakes me once again, the lonliness grips me tightly, and my anger that i have been stuffing down comes to the surface in the form of moodiness, snappy, and i dont understand why it goes so back and forth....im getting super tired of it because it starts making thoughts about my situation with my "wife" into worst case scenarios...instead of admiring any small ammount of "progress" that has been made, i just get annoyed and irritated about the situation even existing in the first place...it makes me want to quit, to give up, just leave, and write her off just like ALL of my exes through my life...this is getting rediculous.
@Ryan575
This sounds suffocating. Your emotions are all over the place. Take a breather…give yourself time to relax and see what you really want 🌹
Its hard, i live with the problem...like in the same house...im inundated by it on the daily...but im supposed to be showing the best side of me and all the "improvements" ive been making on myself, for the relationship with my "wife"all the while...she "isnt in love" with me anymore...has "no emotional connection" to me anymore...and is "in love" with some guy she "met" online that has "fixed her" and its just blatently happening i front of me...im drowning in it and i have no lifeline...bad days, and worse days...some "good" days i suppose but mostly...im just sinking deeper...i feel so stupid...i feel so dumb always posting basically the same things here every day...but i have no outlet but here...im alone in my real life, and im dieing inside. Thank you for you kind words and advice though. I really do appreciate it.
@Ryan575
I think it is normal trying to piece together what was broken....
like putting a puzzle together I get frustrated too... you need a break and think about Ryan.... your happiness is important too ... i know you are in pain the whole finding out your trust was broken / you want your life back ... you are questioning everything. replaying things in your head all the things that were good and all the things that happened since.
you may even question why you want this back... i think she is very confused about now.... she had someone tell her all the things she wanted to hear in this online thing....... they made her feel heard ...they take her side in any story because it was not real .........
It is a mess and to rebuild you may have to rip things down to the framework. Even if you put it together.... you will see the parts where old meets new ... the scars and cracks in what was... you will look at photos different . You will be be hopeful in one moment then angry the next.... please do not feel you are alone many are going through this.
@Ryan575
Not at all…we all need an outlet to say what’s going on in our lives. Hoping things improve for you 🌹
Its hard, i live with the problem...like in the same house...im inundated by it on the daily...but im supposed to be showing the best side of me and all the "improvements" ive been making on myself, for the relationship with my "wife"all the while...she "isnt in love" with me anymore...has "no emotional connection" to me anymore...and is "in love" with some guy she "met" online that has "fixed her" and its just blatently happening i front of me...im drowning in it and i have no lifeline...bad days, and worse days...some "good" days i suppose but mostly...im just sinking deeper...i feel so stupid...i feel so dumb always posting basically the same things here every day...but i have no outlet but here...im alone in my real life, and im dieing inside. Thank you for you kind words and advice though. I really do appreciate it.
@Ryan575
Hi!
Have you considered speaking with a therapist to help you sort through the confusion, anger, fear, and grief you’re experiencing?
While my circumstances are different from yours, what helped me through my divorce was making connections with folks like here on 7cups—and eventually learning who I can go to for emotional support. (And therapy was also helpful: individual and marriage counseling.)
while I don’t relate to your particular situation, I understand these emotions well. it’s exhausting. I am okay through the day then break down. it comes out of nowhere. I feel hopeless that it’ll ever end, that I’ll ever feel better. I keep going for the people who care about me. I keep going cause I have no other option.
I hope you receive the care and support you need. cling on to the bright moments. you’ll get through this. keep your head up. be kind to yourself - that includes taking care of yourself in terms of hygiene and eating healthy and exercising. if you have a friend, hang out. try something new - attend a local event, for example. help others who are in situations you understand or can positively impact.
one day at a time.
