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Ryan575
32 1,602 M Little Steps 6
PathStep 29 Compassion hearts174 Forum posts131 Forum upvotes129 Current upvotes129 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2025 Member sinceAugust 6, 2025
Bio

Im 39 years old, married, 4 kids ranging from 9yrs, 16yrs, 18yrs, and 19yrs. I came here to seek help from other peers and also provide help to them as well. I am not a professionally trained counselor or anything of that nature. Just a normal guy that wants to listen and share.

Recent forum posts
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Goodbye everyone
Relationship Stress / by Ryan575
Last post
 September 6th, 2025
...See more Thank you to all of you that have tried to help me through my issues. However, i must go. You all take care and i wish you all the best in life. I hope you all find the solutions that you are seeking and cure whatever has been holding you down. Rise up and embrace all good things. I must be going now.
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THE APEX OF ISSUES leading to a RESOLUTION?
Relationship Stress / by Ryan575
Last post
 September 4th, 2025
...See more So, in the process of all of the goings on of my marriage. All the stress, all the anxiety, all of the anger, the depression. The negatives have primarily been the driving factors in this whole ordeal. As it would be expected in this situation. My wife and I have had a unique relationship structure and dynamic. It was a proposal of my own, that being said...it took a turn for the worst and ended up creating a situation for myself that i have been in an intense struggle. Ive been questioning everything and have not been able to deal with any of the external and internal struggles that i and my wife have been dealing with. Through all this, ive given ultimatums, ive issued demands, ive offered compromises, and ive made my points, and i have even started to pack my things to leave the situation all together so that i can get away from the pain i have. While also knowing that the pain would just follow me wherever i ended up. So we're down to this, as of last night...i had an epiphany...in that moment i realized that my focus needed to change drastically. So instead of dwelling and focusing on all the bad things that have been happining, i finally found a resonable solution. My wife and i talked in depth this morning about my epiphany. With this being the true apex of our issues, we were able to look at eachother as people instead of adversaries. We were able to really hear eachothers points, words, meanings, and ideas. For the first time in years....we have FINALLY constructed a viable solution to our situation that caters to us both and leaves room to work on ourselves our situation, and our marriage. Finally, its on a pathway to repair. There still is potential for failure of course but this has a means to an end.
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This may be it.
Relationship Stress / by Ryan575
Last post
 September 1st, 2025
...See more Well everyone who cares, i finally decided that i was not going to do it anymore...maybe i made a mistake but i have had pleanty of time now to really think through a lot of things....i think i may have pulled the plug on this so called "marriage". I came home from work, i told her about the BS day i had, and i was really wound up when i came in the door. The funny thing is, i wasnt mad...im not mad still. Fed up...yes...but...i continued with what has been on my mind. I told her a bunch of yada ya, my feelings, my emotions, her feelings, her emotions, yada yada blah blah blah...and within this coversation i aknowledged that she in fact "was different" as she had stated earlier today, in saying that the woman i married no longer existed (her words)...in talking to her. I also pointed out my own blame for all of this...i pointed out that im a worthless husband for not recognizing her needs at the times she needed me to...i pointed out every bad thing i have ever done in this time of marriage....and i held myself accountable for all of it...i appologized to her and all of that meaningless BS (at this point)...after a bunch more stern voiced, decisive yada ya and blah blah blah....i told her that i know what i want, i explained to her what ive also wanted for her our entire marriage... i then told her that she is the one that needs to figure out what she wants...out of me, out of Gardenir(her online madly in love boyfriend)...what she wants out of this marriage... and more blah blah blah.....i told her that i want an answer by tomorrow, and that if no answer is provided, it will be assumed and im packing my crap and leaving...i told her that there will be regrets, there will be emotions, there will be all of that, and that it will hurt...but that i dont deserve this BS...so she needed to decide him or me...focus on our marriage and fixing things between us or continuing this relationship online with this great guy. F it....i am beginning to emotionally detach from her now...i feel better (for now)
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False hope
Relationship Stress / by Ryan575
Last post
 August 29th, 2025
...See more So im just stuck in my head as to wether these thoughts, my positive actions, my stuffing of possibilities, my rational thoughts vs my irrationality is creating/manifesting false hope within my mind. Im not sure what to think, she still has me shut out, i have been doing much more, offering assistance, guidance, or atleast someone to talk to...it seems that we are clise to square one. Should i just stop everything, say F it...it doesnt even matter any more? Shkuld i keep pressing on simply due to a small possibility of this working out? Im tired, im tired of feeling alone (outside of 7 cups)...im so close to just throwing in the towel...but i just cant seem to bring myself to actually do it...i know you guys are probably tired of my redundant posts but damn, i just need that one nonexistent magic answer that would just solve this BS situation... much love for you guys and gals that have bee trying to help me through this...im so torn...im destroyed more each day....its a pathetic situation that im continuing to live through...FML!
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Back to work...
Relationship Stress / by Ryan575
Last post
 August 28th, 2025
...See more Well, atleast im back to work. Its an oilfield job, its not the best job for sure and it really sucks sometimes but hey...i suppose its a job, lots of loooong hours, lots of BS, lots of on call, lots of rush to get to the location. Its really kinda a lame job, driving semi trucks. It does provide my wife and i plenty of time to be separated so we can be away from eachother while all this crap is happening...i guess it takes my mind off the situation for brief periods of time. I told her today, that because im going to be gone so much, and her online "boyfriend" (unhappily married) is on a trip to some island with his wife, and his friend (so her contact with him is limited to a degree) that she needs to use this opportunity to figure out what SHE wants, how SHE wants things to be moving forward on either or both sides...how SHE wants her life to be moving forward and i alomost said...who SHE wants to "be with" or commit herself to...i refrained from saying that last part but i text her on my way out to the field. I told her that i had thought of a question, and that i was t going to ask it because it is not time yet for that question, i also told her in the text message that i may not ever have to even ask the question but that i thought that it was imortant for her to know that it existed. I dont know man, im getting sick of this BS...im lonely, i feel worthless as a husband, as a father even though my 9 year old absolutely admires me most of the time (when im not picking on him) lol...but damn i feel unloved, almost unworthy of her love now. I realize that somehow, my absence emotionally and negligence broke her heart over time but...whos heart is broken now? I dont even know if mine can be fixed...its shattered, obliterated, and im becoming more emotionless every day towards her and everyone else around me...what is this?...am i living in some profound real life nightmare that i cant wake up from? Is this even real? I dont know anymore, i hope the complete Not caring part hits soon...is that acceptable? I dont know F it i guess.
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I wish...
Relationship Stress / by Ryan575
Last post
 September 2nd, 2025
...See more I wish i was smarter I wish i was more of an intellectual type. I wish i was stronger physically, mentally, and emotionally. I wish i was taller. I wish i had a more sophisticated sense of "style" I wish i was more successful due to all the years of work ive put in up to now. I wish i was nicer, but oilfield and life in general has hardened me. I wish i was more compassionate and empathetic towards people i care about. I wish i had more forethought regarding my words and my actions. I wish i had more money, so that finacial stress for my family and myself was lessened. I wish i was more physically attractive so my wife was more drawn to me. I wish i was better at showing/gaining interest in things that i dont care about. I wish I was even more supportive than i have been in the past and i wish i was better at it. I wish i had a better personality so that again, my wife would be drawn to me. I wish i was more honest in the past so that some of the problems im dealing with now may not have happened. I wish i was a better father to ALL of my children so that i could have the same level of loving relationships with each of them individually. I wish i was more observant and analytical like my wife. I wish i loved myself the way i deserve to be loved. I wish i didnt wear my heart on my sleave. I wish i had better control over all my emotions. I wish i was better at recognizing different perspectives of situations. I wish...
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My life
Depression Support / by Ryan575
Last post
 August 29th, 2025
...See more So im new to this thread but ill just open it up like this. At 16 years of age i got in a head on collision at 75mph-125mph with no signs of braking (how the cops described it) on a motorcycle into a F-550 service truck. I was comatose for 3 1/2 weeks, died 4 times, broke alot of bones (including my left femur in 3 places) i forgot almost everything...even down to tying my shoes. I forgot who i was as a person and fell into depression, had anger issues, my gf at the time i had been with for 2 1/2 years dumped me...it was rough. Fast forward to today, im 39 years old, i have a family of 6, my wife is having an online emotional affair and has no emotional connection with me, i lost my job 4 months ago and the job market sucks where im at, i cant find anything...i was established at one point from 2009-2018 but i havent been able to get re-established since regarding employment. Today i am so much further into a depressed state of mind than ever, my heart is broken, i feel like im on the verge of losing everything and i dont have any support from my wife anymore, she hardly even looks at me. It just keeps getting worse and worse. Im spiraling out of control mentally. I dont know if im coming or going half of the time now. I have never felt this low or pathetic...at 39byears old i have cried more in the past month than i have in my entire life...its sad. Thats why im here. Im sorry, i know many people have way worse problems than me on here but im glad this place exists. To vent, to make friends, and get support or advice from people. Thank you if you read this far!
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