Blew up at Dad at fruit time and Mom got mad at me
The town or region names are code names for the real places involved (Achilles, Oliver, Pickwick, Durian Region).
So, Mom and I were having fruit on most days during the afternoon. Dad comes in with his fruit, and I really hate it when he's there at fruit time for two reasons: 1. I view fruit time as my time alone with Mom outside of when we have trips to Toronto, like on Wednesday (April 8th). I'm okay with him coming in briefly and then leaving again because I can still have Mom mostly to myself in that situation. 2. From experience, I know two things will happen, the first thing that will happen is he will start to talk about the latest news. The second thing that will happen is Mom will be reading out loud to him, and both things distract me from reading the paper if I'm interested in an article.
So, because I knew exactly what was going to happen, I had a complete blow-up at fruit time. Mom thinks I'm being "rude and nasty" with my comments. I barely let her get a word in yesterday in Toronto. But Dad seems to never, ever stop talking, like, ever. Sometimes I get headaches from his endless talking. Supper or otherwise, I'm going to give some examples.
Random years (this is the only one which will have a random year the others will have a year)
Whenever my sister comes home and we have supper with her. Supper will be at 5pm and Dad and her (and sometimes whomever is her current boyfriend)- will still be at supper like at 7-8pm at night! And sometimes in these scenarios Dad tries to give me his plate!
October 2021- On the same day as a certain incident in Hollywood. Dad started to talk about some similar incident something to do about Dragon's Den. I wasn't paying attention and I thought he was talking about the Hollywood incident and shout at him to shut up! And he left the table and Mom got mad at me? 2022- I exploded again at Dad because he was talking about some novel he was reading about Canadians in Italy during WWII and I really didn't want to be board to death with his talking. And ended up talking my food upstairs.
For the past three years, since Mom joined the last remaining choir at church, I have frequently had to ask Dad to be quiet if he's in the front hall yapping about the news when I'm trying to listen to the news on Thursdays while making my supper.
For the past year on Fridays, at least as long as Luna isn't at home, I have to shut the sliding door between the kitchen and back hall because I will hear both Dad yapping about the news I'm trying to listen to on TV in the kitchen while making the family supper, and I will also hear Mom reading news articles to him from the paper. Since you know, sounds travels
He doesn't even shut up in the car if he's driving us anywhere. It's always his news. Like on Nov 1st, 2021, Dad was driving Luna and me to a shooting range, and the entire way there he's talking to Luna in the passenger seat. I'm thinking about halfway there, he asked if I was having a good nap in the back. I can't even shut my eyes without him talking the entire trip.
And he does this so often that in October, I think after I got discharged from the hospital after the dehydration incident, since I had a headache, I had Mom tell Dad, "No talking" in the car until we got home.
Maybe I just view Dad's endless talk as annoying because he's complaining about something, and the two topics I can think of are either oil/cars, and since Mom and I don't drive, the only things oil has an effect on us are 1. buses because some of them still require gas, 2. food (trucks), and 3. airplanes. The second topic is how he complains about how two of Canada's government parties are basically the same party, thinking, "For the few, not the many."
Topics I might be interested in:
- Racism or prejudice-related issues
- LGBTQ+ issues
- Disability issues
And that doesn't even count him starting in the middle of a story which makes no sense if I don't understand the rest of it.
It's not a new thing either; he's been like this since before COVID. But maybe it didn't bother me as much before COVID when I had things to do outside of the house—going to a program in Achilles twice a week on Mondays and Thursdays. Also, on Mondays, I would go bowling with some church people and people I got to know, which meant having an early supper. Unlike now, unless Mom and I are in Toronto (anything but the two others), Achilles (movie theatre), or Pickwick (mall), I'm stuck at home the majority of the time, except for my one day-a-week volunteer job at church.
I have tried my local program twice but it's was crowed at both the locations the two times I tried. Mom wants me to try the PH's social program but I'm timid about doing that because I'm "Harriet Potter" in town. So i don't want to be recognized if I came out of a building semi-associated with disabled people even though most of the time I'm proud to be disabled. I don't have the problem as much outside of town.
Due to the bowling league closing "due to lack of interest" my only way of bowling is through Participation House's events. I been a bit busy to try attending over events like hockey even, or a board game night with them and whatever else they might do.
through PH 's bowling events I can play arcade machines and buy food!
I'm interested in a program in Pickwick but Mom doesn't think "I would fit in" because she thinks they're more disabled then I am. Some are and some aren't. I know two people who are in the program, a woman I knew from my former program and someone I meet during Disabled Summer camp last year.
Also as bonus by going to this program I would have to travel on the train solo before getting on a bus to get to the program.
But i think my bitterness with Dad outside of the his endless talking, is because i haven't let go of the incidents I have already written about. I know I should but when he barley ever appolgizes? He has behaved that way since I was 11
Basically it comes down to this:, that Dad, and I are of the same mindset that we're expect each other to say nasty things to one another when we're all in a mad mood.
If you heard comments like "Fine get more fat", "you will never get a job because you never listen!" and being accused of being childish when you hadn't, It would turn anyone nasty really.
Final thing:
I think I can found work arounds if Mom would print off the forms again for me to sign so I can start training to start to volunteer 2 Saturdays a month, at autism respite centre. It also would mean occasionally giving up my Friday supper nights, to help autistic teens to learn how to cook on Fridays nights. Also joining more of PH's events if I'm interested in them.
@Disneywoman
You sound really controlling and rude he live there to and is allow talk about stuff interest him not just what interest you
@theboymoana you miss the entire fact he NEVER STOPS TALKING LIKE EVER. I FEEL LIKE THE NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOUR AT SUPPER TIMES BECAUSE HE HOGS THE ENTIRE CONVERSATION!
@Disneywoman
don’t have yell at me not my fault he talk lots
maybe he don’t realize he do that
@theboymoana It just he never shuts up like ever and because I don't have my old things to go through I have to deal with it more then i did back when I had my old things to go too.
Here's some a schedule:
I go down again at 1pm to deal with the dishwasher i can hear Dad yapping about news item 1 to Mom making fruit.
When mom's and I are having our fruit he will come in anywhere between once or twice maybe three times and talking about news item 2, 3 or 4.
Between 2-4 he will be reading item 5,6 or 7 to Mom off his laptop.
and unless I'm talking at supper, he's takes up most of the supper with item 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. He takes up 90% of supper to the point he's sometimes the last person at the table. So i tried to stop that more recently by trying to ask about the news or talking about a NAR story, or something just anything to not have Dad hog the entire supper conversation.
@Disneywoman it was not necessary to call you controlling and rude, but your behaviors are. And it's not necessary to yell at others in the forums.
@sadbaguette It's just I'm been stuck with Dad since march 2020 except for once a week to go to my volunteer job or whenever mom and I make trips to Toronto or elsewhere. Where i'm the one who talks a lot because that's basically the only time I get to have Mom to myself because the rest of the time I have to share her with "Sir talk-a-lot" Dad, and that's is annoying when I view fruit time as Mom and me time because I don't get other time with her outside of Toronto or going to the mall or to a movie theatre.
I mean he talks so much that when I had a headache after being dischaged from the hospital I had to have Mom tell Dad "no talking" in the car because I know that's what was going to happen because that's all Dad ever does is talk in the car.
And also because mom and I don't drive why should we give a darn about cars or oil (outside of the need for food transport and public buses)?
@Disneywoman you still rely on those things even if you aren't responsible for them. And loving someone means giving a flip about their interests. I don't drive either and I don't shut someone down when they're complaining about gas prices.
Instead of blowing up at him, you could at least try saying calmly and respectfully, "Hey dad, this 1-1 time with mom is really important to me, when we're doing this thing, can you give me space?"
It's not okay to blow up on someone because they're annoying you.
@sadbaguette That doesn't work because Mom will override me and let Dad sit at the table at fruit time. And it's really annoying when I'm trying to read the paper and all three of us are at the table because I know he will talk when he sits down, Mom will read the paper or both the former will happen (I know from experience) which means if I'm trying to read an interesting article, I have to read the same sentence 3-5 times before I can continue to the next sentence and have to read that sentence 3-5 times until I get the entire article done, vs if he's just comes in briefly to the dinning room and then leave again I don't have the problem as much. I have the problem more on Saturdays sometimes then the rest of the week, but I do have the problems sometimes on the weekdays.
The only thing I want to listen to at fruit time is either a) mom reading the article(s) to me (which somehow doesn't distract me as much as if she's reading to Dad) , b) listen to the radio, which we cant hear with Dad's yapping if he's at the table at fruit time.
It just I feel so confused about 999% of the time because at supper time he's talking about stuff I don't have a clue because he's starts in the middle of the story and has to tell us every tiny detial.
About the only time I might understand anything he says is if it's Friday, and Mom and Dad are talking about Capehart and Brooks on PBS News Hour. Whatever Capehart and Brooks talked about that particular Friday.
If he let other people talk at supper and not hog the 90-95% of supper or at least include them in the conversation I might not be bothered at much. But the only time I'm included in supper is if a)I asked questions "what are you talking about?" b)Mom tells me about something on the news she knows I might be interested in, or c)I ask history question about X, Y, Z just to be included in the conversation and not feel like the next door neighbour like rest of the time.
I mean maybe I would be interested in what he was talking about if a)he didn't start in the middle of a story. b) it was on a topic i actually interested in. and c)if he could do a short version of it instead of having to tell us every, single little detail about the article. Like could you just get to the point of the article not telling us the entire thing?
I mean if i was that interested in news the other 5 days out of the week (not counting Thursday or Fridays when i listen to news when making people's suppers). I would read CBC myself. Maybe it's not so much him talking about news, it just I'm not included in supper conversations despite being 35 almost 36, unless I ask "What are you talking about?" if I'm confused if I'm remotely interested in whatever he's talking about
It's not just news he tells us every single detail like if I dare to ask him a history question (which is one of my ways to actually be part of the supper conversation), I might want to have a seatbelt on because the way he talks about history, he's has to start basically at caveman times and then get to whenever my question was to the point that sometimes Mom has to tell him "could we skip ahead to Disney's question and not need the unneeded detail"
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