Body shaming BF
I told my boyfriend that his body-shaming comments really hurt me and have made me feel insecure about myself, even though I never used to before. This was a constant thing where he would either body shame me or make comments to make me feel like he’s better than me, or that people look at us and question why he’s with me.
Instead of showing care, he dismissed it, saying things like “it’ll probably happen again,” “I don’t see it as that deep,” and “I cba to argue.”
He admitted that he belittles “ fat” people, including me, because it makes him feel better about himself and motivates him to go to the gym. He said that even though he knows it hurts me, his “core mentality” won’t change and he’ll probably keep doing it. When I told him that’s not love, he tried to call it “tough love,” but I told him it’s just cruel. I told him you have no respect for me and this ain’t love and he said in this aspect he doesn’t but he respects me and loves me in other things, btw I gained this weight because I got pregnant and ended up losing the baby.
Now he’s saying he wants to change and he will stop as he feels it’s a bad mentality to have, but I think he’s just saying that because he’s scared to lose me, I told him he’s asking for too much if he wants me to sit and waste my life waiting for him to change, and he said “ well I’m not perfect”- I said I never asked for perfect I’m asking for the bare minimum and I can’t believe I’m asking for it??
The way he’s behaving is scaring me because I just feel so stupid to have fallen for someone so horrid? Like was I blind how could I have not seen this, it feels like he’s a sociopath that was just really good at hiding it. And honestly I’m extremely frustrated with myself because I keep re reading our messages and I can see with with my own eyes how this is just not love but I can’t help but to make so many excuses for him and to just think he’s not like that and that he does love me he just has some serious issues.
What’s eating me alive is if I leave him right now he won’t truly understand how much he hurt me for the longest time and what damage he has done, I’m scared he’s just going to think that this wasn’t something worth leaving over and it’s something we could’ve worked through. And I have this really bad mentality of if it’s not cheating then it’s something we can work on but why does someone have to cheat for a relationship to be over? Why can’t it be normal to leave because you aren’t treated how you deserve to be treated
@brightCake4642
It is normal to leave for not being treated correctly .....and cheating is not always an end either.
Frankly the damage we let happen in being treated poorly is far more damaging and lasting. When we let it go or have "talks" That they do not "see" our point and show us little and no change, We in a way are saying it will be OK to continue mistreatment and they are NOT motivated to change.
Many people do not see how their words or actions hurt unless at some point they experience the same.
It IS completely normal to leave because you are not being treated right .
Not only have you communicated you feelings behind it and yet he continues and doesn't take any accountability for his words and actions.
If you continue he won't change because there has been no consequences to his disrespect so he will only continue.
I'm sorry you lost the baby and all that emotional, psychologically as well as physical effects will still have an impact on you trying to lose weight too.
You deserve to be treated right and be loved right and if he isn't willing to see and change for that then you have to leave if you want to try be happier. You can only control you and what you do . You can't make him do anything .
Be more kind to yourself.