Burned a bridge with a friend.
courageousDay1605
October 23rd, 2023
I have had a professional relationship with a person and have spent 100 hours with them over 2 years, chatting one on 1 for an hour each week. I pay them to tutor me in German. I am married and have always kept it above board and professional. I have always been attracted to them, and never has it been a problem. It's been more than enjoyable. I would fantasize about them here and there, as I do Taylor Swift. Neither of which is anything more than a fantasy.
Lately, I have been working 60-70 hours a week, not sleeping well, not working out (broken foot), drinking too much, and generally in a high-stress situation due to a project I am working on.
The problem occurred when I started having obsessive and compulsive thoughts about my tutor. My mind was racing, I couldn't stop thinking of them; I was crying all week when I was alone and was scared of how awful I felt and how out of control my thoughts were.
I was so upset by these thoughts that I canceled all lessons abruptly and told them I had to quit for personal reasons. I also told them to keep the money for the classes, as it made me feel less guilty. I was very, very upset about having to do this. I put them out of my mind, and a few days later, they messaged me to confirm that I was not coming to the lesson. It brought me all kinds of anxiety, and messaged back that I was sorry I was not coming I had a personal situation.
Later on, that night I was drunk and sent them an email telling them that I had a crush on them and couldn't stop thinking about them, and as such I needed to take a break from lessons and work on my marriage. Some of the details I added were a lie, I told them my wife was jealous that I was talking to such a beautiful woman, and she overheard me saying to my brother that I was in love with the tutor. I did it to poison the well, and burned a bridge I should have avoided. I feel like *** and a coward. It worked, and they sent me an email in return telling me, "I hope we to never each other again". I am sad from every angle and have no one else but myself for reacting in such a way. I still think about them every other thought, but it is anxiety. Just anxiety.
toughTiger6481
October 24th, 2023
@courageousDay1605
Yes you torched it but for good reason ...
as long as a what if and even a remote possibility existed it must have filled your days thinking about it. This might not be the route some would take but i am guessing very effective.
1 reply
I should not have done it, but at that time I wanted to get her out of my life and head. There is nothing to do but move on.
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FeureVox
October 24th, 2023
@courageousDay1605 Hello, My Brave Friend,
I'm sorry you've been going through such a challenging time, and I appreciate your honesty in sharing this problematic situation. It's clear that you've been under tremendous stress, leading to a moment of impulsive action.
In difficult times, we may not always react as we wish we had in hindsight. What's important now is to focus on healing and learning from this experience. If you're struggling with obsessive thoughts and anxiety, It is essential to seek support from a mental health professional if you are working with mental health issues. Don't hesitate to take this proactive step towards better mental health and wellbeing. Remember, seeking help is not shameful; it can make a significant difference in your life. If you need help dealing with a difficult situation, they can offer advice and techniques to help you cope. They are there to guide you through the process.
As for the bridge with your friend, sometimes we can rebuild bridges with time and sincere effort. It's a challenging situation, but it's not beyond repair.
Remember, you're not alone in facing life's challenges; there's always room for growth and self-improvement.
1 reply
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I plan to speak with someone this week. I feel remorseful for allowing my pain, anxiety, and emotions to affect another person. I am not sure I should repair this bridge, and just leave well enough alone.
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