Can’t stop crying and thinking
I’m very new to this app and very apprehensive to post however I seem to always feel a bit lighter when talking to people. It’s hard talking to people that know me because they always take my side. I sometimes have the feeling of what if. I’ve recently ended things with a guy I have seen on and off for 6 months. Who I thought I’d be with for life. I’ve never told someone I love them, and for him to say it first felt so pure. If I was to go into everything I’d be here typing for hours. We hit the rocks 2 months in and we had a mini break. He broke no contact and wanted to make things work but they never truly did. He then recently went to Thailand for a month and within the first week lost his phone, passport, and bank cards. I bent over backwards helping him and I was worried sick. After I managed to sort him bits he told me he realised how much I meant to him and that when he was home he wanted to build a life with me. He has a lot of prior relationship troubles and has serious alcohol and drug problems. However I’ve always been there. Probably more than I should of. However whenever we are good we are amazing. Out the blue he started ghosting me. Even when I was in hospital. I found out he was back home (a week after ghosting) and I confronted him. He looked like he saw a ghost when he saw me. I instantly knew something was wrong. I won’t go into to much details but he was off his head on drugs and alcohol even though he only got home that day. After questioning him I found out he slept with another girl on 4 occasions and that’s why he ghosted me. I felt sick and my whole body and mind froze. The one thing I never thought he’d do he did. And it broke me. He could barely speak and said I deserve better - which I know I do. But I can’t get over the fact he did that. Especially when it was a week after telling me he wanted to build a life with me. I’m barely eating, if I’m not busy I’m crying. I just can’t get him out of my head. I don’t know what I’m expecting from posting this.
@Heartbreak1727
Thank you for being so open and vulnerable. It takes so much courage to share something so raw, especially when you're still in the middle of the pain. Please know that you're not alone your feelings are completely valid. What you’re going through is heartbreak in its truest form, and anyone would be deeply shaken by what you’ve experienced.
You gave your love, your care, your time even your peace for someone you truly believed in. That’s not weakness. That’s the strength of someone who loves deeply. The betrayal you faced, especially after all you did for him, wasn’t just unexpected it was devastating. And it’s okay that you’re not okay right now.
Sometimes the hardest part is that mental tug-of-war loving someone who hurt you while trying to remind yourself you deserve better. It’s confusing, it’s painful, and it’s so, so human. You’re grieving not just a person, but the future you imagined, the promises he made, and the version of him you held onto hope for. That grief is real.
You are not stupid for staying, for hoping, or for loving him. You were loyal to someone you believed in. That says more about your character than his betrayal ever could. And while it hurts now and it will for a while you will get through this. You will slowly start to feel again, eat again, laugh again. You will find someone who meets your heart with the same depth and care you’ve always given so freely.
But for now, please just be gentle with yourself. You don’t need to have all the answers. Just breathe. One moment at a time. You’re doing your best and that’s enough. You're enough.
You’re not alone here. Keep talking when you need to. You're heard, and you matter.
Sending you a big hug!! I'm so sorry to hear that you're in so much pain! I'm going through something very very similar. This happened to me 3 weeks ago and the first two weeks were super super difficult but now that I'm starting to process things, And I have my ups and downs but It's slowly getting better.
It's okay to cry and grieve the loss of someone you cared for. You should take pride in the fact that you loved purely and you cared deeply. Focus on caring for yourself even if it's just little things like taking a shower and brushing your hair. Talk about it if you need to to process. If you have friends you can discuss this with that would be helpful but if not then this community is here for you.
You are a genuine and a sincere person and you will find someone who will appreciate you!
Sending you a big hug!! I'm so sorry to hear that you're in so much pain! I'm going through something very very similar. This happened to me 3 weeks ago and the first two weeks were super super difficult but now that I'm starting to process things, And I have my ups and downs but It's slowly getting better.
It's okay to cry and grieve the loss of someone you cared for. You should take pride in the fact that you loved purely and you cared deeply. Focus on caring for yourself even if it's just little things like taking a shower and brushing your hair. Talk about it if you need to to process. If you have friends you can discuss this with that would be helpful but if not then this community is here for you.
You are a genuine and a sincere person and you will find someone who will appreciate you!
