Cheater?
I have had thoughts for a few years now that my husband had cheated. But I could not prove it. But last week I had someones husband reach out to me to tell me his wife was with my husband. And it has been going on for years. He just recently found out all of this from a few people. He told me she had been at my house and he was caught by her brother-in-law at her house and its still happening today.
That brother-in-law reached out to me to verify to me that he in fact caught them and my husband ran off when he walked in. This husband also gave me 4 other names of people who apparently know.
I confronted my husband last week and he first acted like he didnt know her...then said she was an old neighbor who he hadnt seen in years. He didnt even have her number. He supposedly called a friend to get her number and he called her behind my back that night. Then called her when I got home and she said they had not spoken in years. Clearly a colaborated story if he called her when I wasnt around that night. So then I started digging. I found he had been calling/texting her all the way back in June...conveniently while I was away with our children. So they both LIED.
I want to confront him again after Christmas. I dont want to ruin the holiday for my kids. But what do I do if he continues to deny? I have a very good feeling she isnt the only woman he was with.
In 2018 when my dad was sick in the hospital, he became very close to a girl...who he called his "bar wife". I was mad but he kept insisting she is a good person and means no harm. I was going thru a lot with my dad, I didnt have time to really dig into it...I wish I had. Well I found out they Snap chatted all the time after I caught texts between them. He told me he stopped being friends with her, yet i would see random pictures from other people and they were there. And now he is back to texting/calling.
What do I do if he keeps denying cheating? I just want him to admit it so I dont keep living in a lie. He has been awfully nice lately, which makes me suspicious. Im in a good place mentally and financially to be on my own with my kids.
Any advice is appreciated
@goodPomegranate8307 @goodPomegranate8307 Hello, first of all I am not married, I am a female, had a few relationships and currently feel single. I am sorry this happened to you but I am kind of glad that you were able to find out especially after you had suspicions about it. I have felt this way about a certain person in my life. Let me tell you that I hate to say it, but he might never admit to it if he thinks he doesn't want to divorce you and he might be content maintaining the status quo of thing especially considering this other woman seems to be on board with this arrangement and which though not uncommon probably is bizarre. But this is how you feel about it. You already know and have proof from other people telling you about it so it would be best for you to move on as soon as possible if you do not feel that you want this type of lifestyle and/or would rather be single. He might continue to lie. I am no one, so I think may be best to consider what you want and what you are willing to put up with you or if you can handle this type of betrayal or double life, especially with lying. Maybe you would be able to find someone else at some point, though I can see why it would be hard to move on immediately. I apologize because I don't know if this is helpful but I had strong suspicions someone was/could still be playing me, and some people will never admit what they are doing because they live in denial and in their own little world. I am sorry this happened to you, at this time of year it might be hard to think about things like these :(
@goodPomegranate8307
As a listener I am expected to not give any specific advice, because that could be harmful or wrong - and you are the best expert on your own life.
However, what I see in your message is the fact that you could have truly lost trust in this man. By the way: how did you learn the content of his messages to someone else? - that can be enough of red flags on mutual trust between the two of you by itself.
Sometimes people lie when they erroneously think that it works, or they think they lose nothing when keep lying and may lose a lot when stop lying...
Actually a person should be assumed innocent until they confess or are found guilty with some hard proofs. But the situation you described looks like just too many coincidences...