Codependency and Relationship Issue
My boyfriend and I have had a talk about me having issue of me being codependent. He says that I always rely on him and explains that he feels trapped. To me, spending time with him and him being my boyfriend I should be able to rely on him and that it should be the main part of the relationship. However, he says that it’s toxic. When he spends time with his friends, I feel left out because it takes him longer to respond and last time I was having issues with my parents and went to him but he wasn’t answering. I tried to get his attention by accusing things and self harm. I want to fix myself from going through that and doing these things but I love him a lot. How do I stop doing this and fix our relationship? Any advice?
@Jessicaaa24
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Your bf, is the one that has to have your back, support you and lift you up. But one person cannot carry the weight and the responsibility for our happiness. They can support but they also need independence and time with friends and family uninterrupted. I'm sorry that you felt left out but she is never ok, or to use it as leverage. You will only push your bf away, it's clear you love him but you have to trust him and focus on healing yourself and being happier in your own company and when you are together, let those moments be great, and fun and wonderful, you deserve to be loved, to be cherished and to matter, but just make sure it's a two way Street, I wish you both all the genuine happiness in the world 💕💜
@Jessicaaa24
I think you are very lucky..... some partners feeling trapped or that your reactions are too much just leave. Your partner had respect to tell you.... that shows he cares and wants you to grow into more independence.
Relying on someone for support is expected in a relationship ....... but not that they drop everything to answer immediately. Phones or text in many ways have caused more relationship issues as people seem to hit send and start timing the response. Do you want a fast response with bitterness from the person feeling trapped OR a real thoughtful reply?
Like the other poster said and learn to depend on yourself more .... trust him to respond and give you support on him time schedule even if that is later then you wanted. maybe develop another friend to reach out to. I feel when having an issue we are hyped up and taking a moment and reflecting ( i journal) calms you feelings ......so a person can be supportive when we are calm.
@Jessicaaa24
You have the power to learn and adjust your life and behavior so that this situation doesn't escalate and he doesn't check-out entirely.
Co-Dependency with a partner is exhausting, and it can cut the air out of your relationship, any relationship - including friends, but especially a partner.
There are excellent resources available to you, some of which you can access today. Such as Codependency No More, which is a well-distributed book that provides you guidance and support. Additionally, you can work with a therapist who can address your self-esteem issues and codependency.
It's great that he was mature enough and loved you enough to bring this issue to your attention, and clearly he wants things to improve between you... but you must take action. Doing nothing, is going to cause more issues between you. He wants to see measurable progress, not perfection.
It's in your hands. You have the ability to choose what you want to do, and most importantly how it impacts your relationship with him.
