Confused about myself
Hi!
I have recently ended a 3y relationship with my bf, which has been a rollercoaster over the past year, as he lied to me repeatedly and broke my trust, until I couldn’t take it anymore.
After a painful breakup, as i still felt love and attachment towards him, I distracted myself by downloading dating apps and chatting with men, sometimes in a sexual way.
After a couple days of no contact, my bf reached out to me, and said that he wants me back, and booked a flight ticket across the globe to prove me his intentions (im on a winter holiday in my homecountry).
I admit that there is possibility that I will forgive him and get back together (if my feelings come back fully and I choose to trust him again), but I also feel bad for talking and *** with other men. I feel extremely bad and I know it would hurt him a lot to know this. I did tell him about getting on dating apps and texting but he doesnt know everything. Just for the reference, he was apparently watching *** compilations of hot women and sexual trends on youtube himself, before we even broke contact. I knew about it from his youtube history and called him out: he tried to lie that somebody hacked him but eventually admitted it and apologized.
Do you think this relationship has another chance? Is it wrong what i did? Do i owe him the truth?
@gentleHuman863
I guess people have different views on breakups... was this for real or just show to make him plead to get you back.
I am not accusing just so many people these days break up or threaten to not because that is what they want ....but think it will fix what was wrong in relationship when you both reconsider. Too many Rom-com rely on this tactic to somehow show love wins out but reality is not like that.
You both may have lingering strong feelings that does not just shut off. examine those feelings it is really for him or for what you had pictured in life some hold on to security and familiar over really just about the partner. Lingering feelings or what if ...does not fix something truly broken.
You broke up and were free to flirt etc... considering dating or chatting etc with others. That is OK.
He broke your trust, sometimes that can be rebuilt but like something once broken. Even if glued back together you will still see a crack, remember what happened. like a scar it fades but is still there.
You can tell him if you would like to or if he asks to be truthful. IMO it will only complicate any chance of reconnecting. If he asks you to let go of his past behavior he did while together ..then he should be able to realize when broke up you are/ were a free agent.
i appreciate the advice. No, I didn’t break up to make him plead to get me back, and I am not hoping to get back together. It was a difficult decision and we have been talking about it many times before.
Now I don’t really understand what I should do about the infidelity on both sides. Neither of us is perfect, but is it something that we should both forget about and move on?
@gentleHuman863
If you were broken up it is NOT infidelity IMO. I know others may see it differently, but you were talking with others even if it got personal, was done after the breakup and you were not crossing a line IMO.
What he did in looking at apps or photos of others when you were together was infidelity if choosing to do even though you were a couple. there is a difference.