Coping with stress of marriage

It all started when I began to expand my social circle—after being married for four years. Until then, my primary focus had always been my daughter: caring for her, ensuring she was okay, and dedicating all my time and energy to her. I was so immersed in motherhood that I didn’t realize how much I needed companionship or someone else to share my thoughts with. I experienced a long period of depression after childbirth due to the drastic changes in lifestyle. Trust me, adjusting was far from easy.

Four years later, I started working and met friends within my area of specialization. I also gained mentors—many of them men—who were kind, supportive, and understanding. Some knew I was married, others didn’t. At one point, I had a brief crush on one of them, but it faded after I completed my training with him, and we eventually stopped communicating.

Over time, I developed a close friendship with another man. I shared everything with him—family issues, childhood experiences, concerns, and more. Eventually, I developed strong feelings for him and found it hard to get him off my mind. One day, I texted him, saying:

“I love you so much and I’m trying to get you out of my head. I know I’m not supposed to feel this way, but I do, and it’s really affecting me. Please give me some time to get myself together.”

It was truly a struggle. We managed to stop talking on the phone for just two days. During that time, I wrote a lot of poems about him—I simply couldn’t stop thinking about him.

When we resumed talking, the feelings became mutual. He listened when I opened up about my emotional struggles, and his response made me fall for him even more. I kept my feelings hidden for months because I didn’t want to ruin our relationship. But when it started affecting me again, I told him that I couldn’t stop loving him. His voice alone was enough to stir my emotions. He was understanding and told me, “There’s nothing not to love about me.” He asked what he could do to help me get over it, but truthfully, there was nothing he could do.

My husband was uncomfortable with our relationship, but I didn’t care much—because he had his own female friends he regularly communicated with. That started less than a year after I gave birth, although I only found out when our daughter was already two. I was hurt and jealous for years, but every time I brought it up, I was made to feel like the problem. Eventually, I stopped discussing it.

Having someone like this male friend, who truly understood me, helped me feel seen—until I developed deeper feelings. Meanwhile, my husband maintained his relationships with multiple female friends and expected me to be okay with it, which I’m not. My male friend and I haven’t spoken for the past four months. It has been a painful sacrifice because I, too, want someone who truly understands me. The truth is—I miss him deeply. But I’m trying to do what’s right by keeping my distance and only checking in occasionally.

As for my husband, his friendships with other women continue, and it affects me mentally—to the point that I’ve considered separation. I genuinely want us to go back to the way we used to be, but it’s hard when he’s not willing to make any sacrifices for our relationship.

What do you think I should do?