Dependency
Hi I’m new to this 😓
In my relationship I’m very dependent and focused on them even when they most likely aren’t thinking about me (or to the extent I am) and I want to know how to change. I feel as if my issues are suffocating my partner and I want to change for the better. I’m very dependent in ways like always wanting to text/hangout or being frustrated when they have other plans with people (though I’ve never restricted them from going I’ve kept these kinda thoughts to myself) and I’m even insanely jealous of celebrity crushes. I feel like I always lash out before I tell them an issue or never give myself time to understand if the issue is serious or not, and this resulted in my partner feeling very anxious and walking on eggshells around me.
I just feel bad and I wish I was different but I don’t know how, apart of me wishes this behaviors was put in check awhile ago so it wouldn’t be so drilled into my brain.
but I guess what I’m asking is how do I not rely on my partner so much? How do I put space between us without feeling like they want to end things? How do I stop them from being on my mind so much?
We all have quirks, let's call them and should work on ourselves. It's enlightened that you recognise yours :)
Perhaps they are thinking about you, but are just not vocal about it?
Try not to compare yourself to others, celebrities in some ways are not real, with plastic surgery, photoshopping, makeup, hidden support clothes, stylists, they have to present themselves in a certain light..
But most of us are just ordinary, cute bundles, without all of that..
What you could do when problems arise is not ignore them or let them fester, but address them, maybe have a notebook and scribble it down, then you can re-read it and say, hmm..
Is this a big deal or am I just feeling a bit unsure?
Next, independence isn't a bad thing, you're getting to know what you like, what you want out of life, what makes you happy.
So develop your interests and hobbies, your thoughts can wander however, that's life, but if you are focused on, say cooking or painting, that will give you a kinda joy and contentment :)
@compassionatePineapple5394
You are aware and if you are ready to change things to ease these feelings.
I found becoming dependent on MYSELF works.
Challenging myself. doing things on my own maybe things I was not comfortable doing etc. my partner was more interested knowing I was not dependent made them step up their game in making sure I was interested in them.
@compassionatePineapple5394
Hello 👋 I'm going through the same thing as you mentioned. I'm with someone extremely busy with a critical cariar path in aerospace industrys she's limited with the time and worce part we are in distance. I can understand you suffering from same pain anxious attachment style i suffocate her sometimes. All human need some personal space for things i understand and i know exactly the things are still when she's not with me in call or offline or distracted by work I'm in pain thinking all the time crying and become more needy . Its From our childhood or the way we see relationship in our families also past relationships leave a Blueprint in our brain its nasty i hope you get well in time and try to stay busy and do things that make you happy without them ...
Best wishes for you . I'm also like you a soul hurting without a reason and the partner take the burden sometimes
@pineapplesandwhich
Ok if I follow, you have described how I am in relationships to a tee 😕😕
Learning about emotional control issues, in my case specifically luminance (putting people on a pedestall) and often the resultant feeling of rejection when they don't live upto the unrealistic expectation is hard to bear, it is work in progress and one I am working on in my real life and no longer running away from.
