Developing feelings for colleague but in a relationship ?
So I have been in a long term 4 plus year relationship with my boyfriend and we have definitely had our ups and downs, but I still love him and care about him. He treats me very well and cares about me. However within the last 5 months I recently have developed an attraction to one of my colleagues at work. We became closer as well (but as friends) and now my feelings are getting worse. I think I am having an emotional affair since I feel it is affecting my thoughts of how I feel towards my boyfriend. I used to feel ready for marriage with him and now I am not sure if he is the one for me. I can't tell if I truly love him or not, or else why would I care about someone else. I feel like a terrible girlfriend because I have been thinking about how I can prevent this, but it isn't working.
this other guy has showed me attention and qualities that I like in a man also, which I think was why my attraction grew. But now it's at the point where it's making me feel confused and conflicted. I do feel terribly upset because I want to make my relationship work. (This man doesn't like me that way either) On the other hand, this guy also has no friends and he thanks me for being a friend to him and I feel so bad just to cut him off. I also work with him too. Any advice? Thanks.
@generousBalloon7557
It is OK to have second thoughts about things....... and question your life ... this happens when we meet someone who maybe opens our eyes that we want more....we can think we develop feelings......or we just have moments where we picture other options.
I think in an emotional thing ( I think the labeling as affair is incorrect) it is more feelings about ourselves .......when we have new ideas or even old ones that are awakened ....... maybe we can have more intellectual or emotional talks with a friend ............they may spark our thoughts and interests that wakes up a part that is NOT being being seen, met and appreciated by our partner.
Maybe we think the current situation is good ....maybe great ... but I doubt anyone can be everything to another person....
Relationships take commitment but also sacrifice that the person you chose may not be there in certain ways ... if you meet another who has similar interests or shows you new things ... this same sort of thing will arise... your choice is to get your current partner to try to enjoy your interest or give it up which is shutting down yourself.
ask yourself what are you getting out of the friendship with co-worker... that you are not in your relationship.... I too can talk for hours with a co-worker about current events or philosophical ....meaning of life type things.
When i have tried to have same type talks.......... with my partner ........he changes the subject or has turned on TV or scrolled his phone .... how do you think that made me feel ? ignored /uninteresting/ dismissed.
Could I misplace interest in a co-worker after being dismissed by partner? .. sure......... is co-worker interested that way ?....no............ as they are in a relationship.... I hope this shows you taht you are NOT alone and not a bad GF etc...
Thank you for sharing. Really helped!
@toughTiger6481
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@generousBalloon7557
Developing feelings for someone else doesn't automatically mean your current relationship is doomed or that you don't truly love your boyfriend. Human emotions are complicated, and attraction can sometimes arise unexpectedly, even when we're committed to someone else.
I think it's worth reflecting on what initially drew you to your boyfriend and what has kept you in the relationship for over four years. Are there aspects of your relationship that have changed or evolved over time? Are there any unmet needs or unresolved issues that might be contributing to your feelings of attraction towards your colleague? Sometimes, developing feelings for someone else can be a symptom of underlying issues within the relationship.
You will also need to consider whether your feelings for your colleague are genuine or if they're simply a projection of qualities or attention that you're craving but aren't getting in your current relationship. Communication is key... this can be a difficult conversation to have but it is important to be transparent about your emotions and concerns to potentially lead to solutions that can strengthen your relationship.
Regarding your colleague, you can still be friendly and supportive towards him in a professional context without crossing any boundaries that could jeopardize your relationship with your boyfriend.
I cannot tell you what to do but take the time to listen to your heart and consider what will make you truly happy and fulfilled in the long run.
Thank you for your feedback! I really appreciate the advice
@positiveSunrise249
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@generousBalloon7557
Simply sending you big *hugs* ❤️ Clearly, you are in very good hands here on this thread! Our other two team mates have done some really impressive work! Best I can do is simply concur and send you *beams* ✨ and even more *hugs* ❤️
Thank you 😊😊
@generousBalloon7557
You are most welcome my friend! 😊
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@generousBalloon7557 I feel that maybe taking a step back from this friendship from work would be a good idea and instead work on trying to gain what you feel you've lost for your partner back. Have a conversation with him and say hey would you be open to having a date night or whatever it is that you like to do with him. basically what I'm saying is put focus on your relationship and try to learn something about your partner that you didn't know before, when you go on a date do things that make you remember why you liked him so then it creates this desire inside of you to give him a flirty compliment and then in return it will make him feel good about himself, which will have him do the same back to you. :) hope this helps
