Do I break up with him or not
My boyfriend of more than a decade soon to be my husband has hidden from me for more than 6 years that he has a child and the child was conceived whilst we are still in the relationship,the wedding is in September I don't know what to do....how can a person who claims to love you hide or even begin to do this though
Thank you 😊,I want to focus on me but yoh it hurts so bad I don't want to lie, explaining why the wedding is off . questions from people....I feel like moving away gosh
@olivia2803
That is a huge item to hide.....and for such a long time.... I do not think that is something you can get over and accept in only a couple of months.
I know you had big plans and probably planned wedding for a long time but sometimes it is better to not do it then remember it as a sham.
ASK yourself the following and dig deep for your true feelings.
How do you feel about the news of the child .....let alone when it was conceived.
Is this a situation where you and spouse to be would be involved in the child's life or financially
Finally if this was hidden this long how is your trust for the future
If you can answer those where you could still see proceeding to wedding ... i wish you all the best.
He have me thee most lame excuse that " I was going to tell you but I didn't want to ruin the wedding excitement and all that" so basically he wanted to get married and drop a BOM shell on me.......how I found out its worse because it was through he grandmother and I had to act like I knew everything....I felt like I was going to have a heart attack after that
@olivia2803
That is awful that you found out from his grandma...... he was ok telling them what was he thinking would happen as family gathers for the wedding preparation.
I do not think he ever intended on telling you if he could get away with it...... there have been times i could see a small revelation but this is too big to ignore. have you told your family?
Very awful and cruel because now he has put me my health at risk because I had to run like a headless chicken doing all sorts of tests and through check with the doctor just be sure that I am okay and I ask myself till of how many are out there if he managed to do with this one and hide it and I was so blind ,and I hate my heart for loving someone like him and yes I told my family about it
@olivia2803
Yikes, that's a big one. Ultimately only you can decide if the juice is worth the squeeze but that's a major detail to be hiding from someone you're supposed to be open and honest with. He made the initial betrayal years ago and kept on doubling down on it all the way up until you were supposed to walk down the aisle together. To say his trustworthiness is in question is an understatement. I don't blame you one bit if you call it quits.
Playing Devil's advocate for a second here; if it was a one time error he made in the heat of the moment, and kept hiding the results in fear of losing you, he might be genuinely remorseful, ashamed, and desperate to not lose you. He did, however, choose to maintain a lie to you every single day for over half your relationship.
So, it's a difficult situation, I'm very sorry you're having to go through this mere weeks before what should be one of the happiest days of your life. In my personal opinion, I think you should at least delay the wedding and give yourself time to process this. Assess his reasoning, see if what he's saying can provide you with a pathway to forgiveness. It's going to take a LOT of work to get past this and rebuilding that trust will be a difficult and long process. But if you feel it's all too much and that you're undeserving of someone who could do that to you for so long, I don't blame you one bit.
Good luck Olivia, just remember this pain will one day fade regardless of your decision.
@funmyvillage1676
Thank you so much and I am very thankful for everyone who is not siding with any of the situation I'm in and I am trying my outbest to at least gather myself,as much as it is difficult and to explain the reasons to others of why the wedding ceremony is on hold but I had to do it....🙏💐😊😔😔