Extra marital affair
Me and my husband have decided to get a divorce. We haven’t done the deeds yet because there has been a lot that has happened lately including family illnesses, death and financial issues. He has to go abroad now for up to a couple of months. So we can’t go ahead with the divorce until he is back. Besides I didn’t want to stress him out more than he already is stressed with all that was going on.
The problem is now I have developed feelings for someone online. My husband found me chatting to him and has warned me against it and made it out that it wasn’t fair on him and that I was a *** as I wasn’t divorced yet. Honestly I’m scared of him as he can get very angry and can sometimes be violent.
I’m now feeling guilty for still chatting to this guy. If my husband found out I would feel like a cheater and a disloyal ***. But the truth is I’m already checked out and have been for the past 8 years. If it wasn’t for my kids I wouldn’t still be in this marriage.
But the reality is I’m feeling really lonely as I don’t have any friends to talk to. So I suppose that makes things worse for me and makes me miss this guy more. I’m trying not to talk to him but I miss him so much I end up talking to him again…
Please give me some advice… what should I do? Should I leave this guy until I’m divorced? Am I wrong?
If there’s anyone out there who would like to be my friend I would really love that…
@convivialLake9014
it sounds like your marriage has been over for a while. It sounds like you both have putting off the actual dismantling for some time. I am sure spouse is upset but knows you have not had feelings for him in a while. saying these things is just from hurt and him not wanting to face the real end of the marriage and Your feelings for him. Would never chatting with this person fixed anything in your marriage?
Being in a relationship like that disconnected and no longer getting any emotional support is lonely. you are not alone in reaching out and finding someone who we develop feelings for. It is hard to stop chatting or caring for someone that made us feel listened to / interesting and appreciated. We seldom control timing in our lives would be very helpful if we did.
you may take a break from chatting explaining to friend you need to take care of things....... but that is IF you truly are starting the process of divorce. Waiting until all things are fine is just kidding yourself.
Illness, finances other events does that all stop so you can do the divorce. you are not wrong for finding someone that made you feel again. but if you do not see a real end to marriage, have you told them that?
@toughTiger6481
Hi @toughTiger6481
thank you for your message, I really appreciate it.
I guess you’re right, my husband seems to be in denial and we need a proper chat.
Today I told him it’s no wonder why I’m chatting to other guys online coz of x y and z and I said I want to find love and he was like “but you love me” and I said “but I’m not in love with you”… I think we need to have a proper chat about this separation and divorce and expectations… I’m not really sure where his head is at with all this…
Your message has given me food for thought.
Thank you so much again for your reply.
