Feeling so guilty ……. Why….
I am in a relationship with someone that has depression. We have been together for almost 2 years and we are engaged.
From the start of the relationship I knew about his mental health issues and it never stopped me. Which I think i regret now…..
Our relationship was fine up until last November it just started getting bad. We had plans to get married this year , to move in together…. But all of that stopped . Not postponed to a later date just stopped!
I have talked to him about how the relationship has changed so much and how I do not feel loved, appreciated, wanted, needed anything … I feel like nothing now….
He blames it on his depression …. Everything I say he blames it on the depression….
I try to make him understand to just think about how all this is making me feel. I am your partner and all my hopes and excitement of getting married is all gone. No matter what I have always stuck with him and have done so much for him.
But the way he has been treating me I have just felt so unwanted and I have changed a lot. I kept begging him to just give me a little of what I need and that he is making me feel like nothing and I will get to a point that I just won’t care like I always did and that’s exactly what happened .
It’s been months that I have felt ignored. We go days to weeks without seeing each other and when we do I am so upset that I make a comment and he throws it in my face and the night is ruined.
On Top of all this his own family has talked to me about leaving and that I don’t deserve this and that he will never change. How he makes a lot of excuses and that he just isn’t going to ever commit like he is in a way going back to who he was over a year ago.
He got so much therapy and is continuing to. There was a time he had changed so much … he was so happy and just different but right now he went back to his old ways and that’s so depressing and sad. I don’t feel like I am worth it … our future wasn’t worth him continuing to get better.
He started to get depressed and he didn’t get the help he needed right away and it got to this point.
I feel guilty for not continuing to just be there and not question anything . There’s days I feel so stupid for feeling like this and I think I deserve so much better. I have done everything for him . I have put up with so much because of him and he doesn’t appreciate anything .
I haven’t in my life had so much panic attacks and anxiety like I do now and he doesn’t take what I have gone through into consideration.
I have told him multiple times that I am not having issues with his mental health but the way he treats me I have an issue with.
Why are you able to get up and go to work…. Deal with people and but on a face. But when it comes to me I am just put aside and you can’t do something small to just make me happy so I don’t feel like worthless.
I feel so lost .
im sorry I wrote so much.. I just typed what was in my mind.
@Lovee00
Depression is a big thing in relationships.... if we have experienced depression.... we know how we just do not seem to care about how it effects others ....while in the depth of depression if we come out of it we may feel bad or sorry we have ignored others in the midst. How do we address come clean apologize for any misstep ....or ignore it?
when others we love have depression ..... no amount of try this or trying to help seems to work. Now for some depression or other mental health issues become a crutch.... a excuse card ... a do not blame me because ( insert reason). this imo causes issues i know my partner has depression but i will not accept as excuse to be self centered. They may not want to acknowledge their depression. they think they can ignore it and at the same time are ignoring you....
You do not deserve this no one does your plans came to a Stop .... not a postpone ... the worse feeling in a relationship is to feel ignored or lonely in the room with our partner .... depression does not jsut heal and go away for ever .... do you want to go through bouts of this again and again ....
@Lovee00,
I understand exactly how you feel. I got severely depressed and I wasn't there for my now ex wife. Like I once told her "I can't love myself let alone others". Depression consumes you, you disconnect from self.
What might have helped me at the time is finding a group with other dealing with depression. So you feel understood. The occasional "I made some tea, it's on the table".
Your needs are valid but don't expect to be heard. Be there but take care of you first.
Only he has the key to find a way out. I did finally, no help (therapist I had knew squad about depression), I just found a way to pull myself out.
If he can't find a way out, then let him go. For you.
First of all, I really want to thank you for responding. It really makes a difference when someone that has depression explains it.
The thing is when it comes to him. He’s been seeing a therapist for a long time. He was in a IOP program for almost a year. That’s the part. That’s really depressing for me because I feel like at one point. He really wanted to get well and I understand depression will never 100% go away, but right now he tells me that he’s trying everything but I truly don’t think he is. That’s very devastating for me.
it’s just really hard for me to let this relationship go. I’m scared he might do something or it might make the depression even worse that’s my biggest fear.
