First love
Hello, so I have a recurring problem that I just don't know how to deal with. For back story: I used to be in love with a boy in elementary school. I fell for him as soon as I moved cities, and had feelings for him till at least late middle school. Me and him were once inseparable, and he actually asked me if I liked him romantically once, but I chickened out... He got sad when I said no.
Fast forward to now, I am in high school, almost finished. And everytime something goes wrong in a relationship I'm in or I'm having my doubts, I'm starting to dream about him.. I haven't talked to him or seen him since middle school, but my mind seems to not be able to let him go. Me and my boyfriend are planning on meeting up soon and I am truly excited, but in my dream, I started bonding with my past crush before going on a meet with my boyfriend.. And then being with my boyfriend felt incredibly empty in comparison.
I seriously do not know what to do. I'm trying my best to move on, but he was first my love.. I truly can't get him out of my mind. I'm trying my best to fight for the relationship I'm in now (since we're serious and we've dated before, but I promised it would work this time) and ahh... I don't know anymore.
@Cano15
Well dreams can make us think for sure....
your Crush in childhood and even your feelings for boy were based on your mind then.... if you found and saw him he may NOT even be who your imagine he would be ... you may not even recognize the attraction you once had... With that said maybe you have some real hesitation in your current situation.... your mind is using a past situation to throw up what If in your dreams....
If you really think the boy from past is the real reason look him up ( search on google or FB type ) ... it will answer your curiosity.
Thank you for answering my post ^^! Yeah that's true.. Though the issue is that he's not active on any social media, so I don't know anything at all .. He added me on his ***, *** etc. Only pictures there are, are from his childhood due to his family posting for birthday greets
@toughTiger6481 @Cano15
Agree with this post! 💯
Its easy to fantasize because any wonderful outcome can happen in our dreams when we don’t have the boundaries of reality. With your crush it could have gone any way you wanted, any way your heart desires, he represents an ideal to you of a time when you were optimistic and just newly discovered that rush that is “your first love”. Whereas your current relationship is grounded in reality; it has expectations, and arguments, and the difficulties of negotiating and compromising, the seriousness of consequences, of responsibility, the strain of considering other people’s needs constantly.
So yes, it’s easy to feel wistful when thinking about a dream partner that might have been, our fantasies only end happily ever after. But you also can’t be certain that your crush, if you had dated in reality, might have ended up completely different to how you imagined.
Although there may be something in your dreams of him that you are seeking in your partner and in your life more generally. Freud had the idea that our dreams are a kind of “wish fulfillment” .. sort of like our minds trying to draw our attention to the things we need/want in our lives and finding a way to meet those wants through our fantasies and dreams. So it might not even be him specifically that you want but some to ứng that he symbolizes to you, something he represents.
It sounded like you’re trying somewhat to “force” your current relationship to work, that making it succeed is something of an effort, or something that you are insistent on doing because you hate the idea of it failing a second time. You might be comparing the two because you expected relationships to feel differently, to be easier somehow perhaps, or more intuitive and not so much effort to love a person maybe; and I think the reality of your current relationship is not meeting your expections.
I hope that might give you something to think about! All the best with the situation!
CatsInTheCradle