He wants space..?
So I made a post like two days ago and kept it very brief.
my boyfriend of two years decided yesterday that he doesn’t want to have the boyfriend role for a little while after experiencing an event that made him uncomfortable in public. He said I’m very draining and overwhelming and he even said he started to question whether or not he should settle for me. I’m into very soft aesthetics and he’s super into hardcore goth. So he was wondering if he should find someone that dresses like him and not “simple and boring” like me.
I wanted to add more context to my other post, I want to get out of my relationship but I feel trapped. I feel unsafe during our fights. He was the sweetest guy and I suppose love bombed me for two months and then randomly dropped everything. He then classified me as his therapist and all we ever talk about is his emotions. Again, he is super sweet for two days and he will send me gifts and make me coding surprises on his computer. So he isn’t terrible all the time, but it’s rare to see him all lovey.
We often fight because I never talk about mine, but he has never created a safe space for me to talk about them. He often told me I exploded or over explain. He says “I’m not good with words” or usually responds to a huge paragraph I send with “okay.”
I really want to get out but I don’t know how to responsibly and maturely do it without causing a huge fight. He often swears at me and is aggressive when talking to me during them. I finally after two years realized that our relationship isn’t healthy and I just want some outside opinions on how to properly get out and keep myself safe. I know he’ll be very upset and block me on everything for the five thousandth time. I just need some guidance:(
(this is the sprinkles of our relationship too, so much has happened)
@lilypad06
Thank you Lilypad for sharing with us.
We acknowledge you and recognize how difficult it must be to share such information. I am really sorry feel trapped but it is very honorable in thinking of him in want to maturely separate without causing fights.
It is also mature of you in recognizing that your relationship isn’t healthy.
Do you feel you will be in danger if you breakup?
thank you for the kind words, I don’t feel like I would be in danger because we don’t live in the same area, but he has sent me some really stalker ish things as a joke. I’m more worried about him hurting himself over me and it just wouldn’t sit right with me knowing I cause someone so much pain.
@lilypad06
You are most
welcome.
You are worthy and you are a wonderful person to have such empathy.
“I’m more worried about him hurting himself over me”
If he hurts himself, it is because “he” chose to hurt himself. There are many ways we can chose communicate with each other that is more effective and have greater positive results.
“… it just wouldn’t sit right with me knowing I cause someone so much pain”
You are
special and kind. Committing a heinous act, those feelings would be
understandable.
You are the expert of you. He is the expert of him. There is goodness in
thinking of others when making decisions. it is good in understanding cause an
effect, community affect. Civil Activists or Ghandhi used Sit-ins or Hunger Strikes to motivate political,
government, or corporate to act.
On the other hand, It is immoral when using such tactics to justify an action at which it would be to hold someone hostage. I think it is unhealthy when using manipulative tactics
@lilypad06
I wanted to say leave as soon as i read the line he does not know if he should SETTLE for you..... wow.
It is hard to tell / show people what it is really like on the inside of a relationship.... i know when someone can be loving and makes you feel good and then you are willing to overlook the times they are complete jerks.... but the reality is people hold on too long worried about what if's .. or a bad BF is better then none type of thing....
what if you move on find someone who really wants YOU not "settle" for you.... it is not about how you dress or what you are into at the moment .... the person who cops out of real discussion by the "I am not good with words" is not going to change.
So he blocks you who cares what is that going to do.... if he talks bad about you those who believe him are NOT your friends. Make new friends you will find someone new when you walk away and let go of the past learn from it and know what you do NOT want in future .
Thank you, at the time I had no idea what was right and what is wrong. I used to talk to our mutual friends in confidential conversations, but he always some how found out and freaked OUT. He never apologizes and I’m tired of being wrong every single time. Thank you again for the help:( ♡
@lilypad06
your welcome but you already knew it i just help confirm it .... also it is impossible to be wrong every single time .........he is a drain on your mental health walk away .
