How do I leave a marriage when I don’t hate the person I’m leaving?

Hi ;) I'm not sure if this is the right place to write this because I'm new here but I'll give it a go. If anyone has any advice please tell <3

I’m 22 and I’ve been married for one year and a half.

I know I was young. I know we got married quickly. But when I met my husband, I was in a very dark place. I had struggled with depression since I was young and never really felt like I belonged anywhere or with anyone. He helped me through that time, loved me, and made me feel like maybe I had finally found where I belonged. I genuinely believed God had put him in my life for a reason.

I love him, and I still care about him deeply.

But I have become incredibly depressed in our marriage.

We live with his extremely religious parents, and I constantly feel watched, criticised and controlled. We are expected to attend church every single day for at least 3 hours, I have very little privacy, and I’m made to feel guilty whenever I want time for myself or disagree with them.

The church I go to it's a very toxic place and all they preach about is men being way above women and how women should only cook, clean, have children and obey her husband in everything he says or does.

There is also constant pressure about having children. I don’t want a baby, and his parents have even told me that if I had one, they would take it away from me and they would raise it themselves expecting my child to not know me as the mother. I cannot accept that.

My husband knows I’m unhappy and also very depressed. I have days where I feel like I can't stand up from my bed to even brush my hair but I do it because I know I have to. I’ve told him that I feel trapped and overwhelmed. I’ve tried to explain it, I’ve cried, I’ve asked for things to change. He has promised before that things will be different, but I don’t want to keep waiting and hoping anymore.

My mental health has become extremely bad again. There are days when I struggle to take care of myself and sometimes I genuinely can't do basic things. I don’t feel like myself anymore.

And the hardest part is that I do not hate him.

I don’t think he’s evil. I don’t think everything we had was a lie. He helped me when I was at my lowest, I loved him, and I still love and care about him. But I have finally realised that loving someone doesn’t necessarily mean you can build a life with them.

I don’t want to move out with him and continue the same marriage because his family will still be involved in everything. They will control everything. I don’t want another conversation where I’m convinced to stay. I don’t want to repair this anymore.

I know it will hurt him. I know his family will probably call me selfish, disrespectful, ungrateful, a terrible wife and a terrible Christian but I think I’m prepared for that.

What scares me is actually doing it.

How do you leave someone you still love? How do you deal with the guilt? Do you tell your husband beforehand, or make your arrangements and leave? Do you owe his family an explanation?

II just need to know that there is a way out. I don't hate him, I just want myself back. I want my life back. I know I seem evil and selfish but everyday I wake up in this house it's just another day of imprisonment for me.